February 19, 2011

It is Saturday. I had a late lunch at “the Bean” after resting for the morning and spending a few hours on Tybee Island. No pelicans today, except for four I saw from the causeway, driving into the island from Thunderbolt. They were flying in formation much as fighter plane pilots do at air shows. This is how I knew they were pelicans and not sea gulls.

It has been an exceptionally warm day. Mike and I both wore shorts. Tybee was packed with beach folks. This likely is the reason for no pelicans. I walked around most of the southern end of the island but did not feel much like staying. I just don’t like people in crowds that much.

We – Lara, Mike and I – finally met up with Tom Kohler at the Bean. At first Tom was a little cool – arms crossed and that sort of thing. As the conversation unfolded it seems that he is defensive/worried that I will confront him about the Citizen Advocacy approach to imaging the “protégé” – the official term used in CA to denote the person who has been labelled disabled, and with whom CA programs “match” a typical citizen. Tom and I have disagreed in the past about the importance of providing “trainings” to both the citizen advocate and his/her protégé, and not just the advocate alone, as tomorrow and Tuesday are arranged. It wasn’t on my mind to confront him this time with that, but clearly he was getting up for an argument.

For me the biggest thing to sort out was what I am going to talk about tomorrow and on Tuesday. Tom wants something about presence and possibility. With Mike there we ended up talking a lot about the inclusive video game. In the end Tom said he wants me to talk about Marsha and me, then about how Mike and I met and got into the several projects we share – along the theme of listen, imagine, network.

I will sleep on this, and I am sure will catch the flavour, but as a different theme has been becoming more important to me, this doesn’t seem too natural.

It has been fabulous working with Lara. But as any given day progresses, without good structures for me to participate, and to eat and sleep without Lara’s or Mike’s full time presence, all of us get tired, defocused and edgy.

In particular I feel the need to create some distance between Mike and I and we made some progress with that today. Even though Mike is not working as a personal assistant today he has hung around me except when he slept in and when he lay on the beach for awhile. I believe that Tom caught the wave because he took Mike for a beer without me, and he also entered into a brainstorm about where, when and with whom Mike can go for a meal – again without me.

I am alone now and it is good. I was not prepared for how dirty Imlay House is. I was going to get Lara to wash the kitchen floor which is so filthy that my chair leaves track marks in the dirt. There is no mop. Lara offered to wash it with rags, but she is getting tired, the edginess has started, and it isn’t worth the time/cost to exhaust her that much. So we will continue to live with the grime.

My own edginess is abating as I get Mike’s alignment with how much money we have to spend on food, as well as getting the painting well underway. I think we are about 30% done. We will also need to set up some slides for Friday. I think it is going to get easier as we get the strangeness and the vacation –ness out of the way, hopefully pretty soon now. Then both of us will get more comfortable just getting the work done. There is a lot of work.

February 12, 2011

It’s the day before I leave for Savannah, with Mike Skubic and Christopher Lee. Things are a bit chaotic around here!

Once again I missed blogging yesterday. I was at the “Work of Hearts” Gala, a fundraiser for Laser Eagles. I think for now it is just better to say that I will blog every four days at least, or twice a week. Until I get my road life back under my belt I don’t want to give the impression that I’m simply choosing not to blog. Rather I am re-establishing the “rhythm” that gets it all done. – (preferably making it all look easy at the same time!)

The Gala was fabulous and a real testament both to what people can accomplish even when they don’t necessarily see “eye-to-eye”, and to Kimberly Fu’s capacity as an event organizer. It was elegance at its best and done on shoe string. Regardless of how much money was made (I have no idea!) the essential value of Laser Eagles was communicated far and wide.

I had a real sense of people working together, as well. Mike Skubic and Helen Tweddle jumped in – with my Dad’s car – to make Greg’s transportation work out. Other tasks were getting handled with little fanfare. It made community seem real.

For me this was all on top of a week of last minute rushes, dramas, inadequate schedulings and opportunities – lost and found. It seemed that I still had only two double bookings to resolve, and they both worked out rather miraculously.

A sense of a fundamental shift is there. The new ODSP caseworker called me to get help in working out my complex financial situation with the clear intention of making it work for me. Olivia passed MY proposal around to all members of the Inclusion Circle. The media CAME to the Laser Eagles event. It feels like I’m actually being taken seriously!

I have wanted to and thought about blogging all the way through, but not had the energy and focus when the time came. I really SHOULD get one of those voice recorders that can be downloaded and converted to a text file.

Anyway the adventure has truly begun. The car is washed, gassed and loaded. Nearly everything is done, except the sleep.

Soon I will be painting, and revealing – mostly to myself – what message the rising Mimico Correctional Centre is trying to evoke.

I guess what really shifted is that I am willing, or nearly so, to be a leader with a distinct point of view, a defined vision of what the next world needs to be like, the beginnings of a strategy, and the willingness to have others improve it.

It is late and my eyes are drooping, my legs aching and my head fuzzy. Let the adventure begin.

February 8, 2011

Well I can see that I am going to have to shift something very soon. I’m exhausted, my email inbox is full of over 160 messages, many of them unread, there are still many things to do before we leave and the near future promises to open up with even more possibilities and projects. After Paul Aiello has publicly announced that the ROM has committed to putting up my art exhibit there has been a flood of congratulations and expectation.

I have the same expectations myself, really. It is certainly my intention that this exhibit will form the foundation of a new capacity to speak Inclusion into the world but already I can see that I am not up to fulfilling this potential. I need ways to strip away activities and commitments – not as giving them up but as in having them fulfilled without my personal attention. Otherwise I will not have enough privacy and rest.

Gloria’s right – much must be given away. From my perspective this is no small task. There are so many intricacies that I have brought to the table on my own behalf in the last twenty or so years. For example, today I spent a good hour resolving for the third time the discomfort of my new accountant over the fact that I will indeed overspend my personal assistant budget in the near future. I’ve reassured her that what I need her to do is to tell me the state that the budget is in but not to panic. I know that I have avenues – some already activated – to bring new money into the picture. But these potentials are very difficult for brand new people to see and so I spend as much energy supporting them as if I were doing it myself, or at least that’s how it feels.

Nevertheless the time has come. The potential of the ROM exhibit is too great to try to keep it inside of my own scope. I no longer represent myself.

This is a major reason why I have just seen The King’s Speech for the third time, besides that Bill Worrell had not yet seen it before tonight. There comes a time when a genuine leader is no longer representing them self. This time has certainly landed on me at this point. And so I must distinguish between speaking and doing what is required of me as a leader and speaking and doing what is required of me as a person. It would seem that truly great people somehow manage to do both at the same time, and also take it to such a level that their influence becomes cross-cultural. It is not that I particularly want to do this. It is just clear that it is within my grasp and so history compels me.

It will be simpler next week. By this time next Tuesday we will be getting ready for a painting day in Savannah. At least for a short time I will be left in peace.

It feels to me like I am complaining right now. I’m not really. This is exactly what I want and have wanted since I was very young. The gap that I am experiencing comes not from being pushed into a life that I don’t want but simply that this is required of me to shift how I do things so that many many more people can be involved. Currently I do not feel like I have the time and resources to expand in two different directions. This is something to be invented.

I am not able to stay awake now. Goodnight.

February 4, 2011

I thought some might want to get a sense of the park and shore of Lake Ontario that is just 3 blocks from my apartment.



This video was taken two days ago by Nick Lin, a friend and personal assistant.

Lake Ontario is one of the five Great Lakes. They are fresh water inland seas, and some say they do have tides, though the rise and fall are nearly imperceptable. Well, not really, at least not to me!

I was born and have lived most of my life within five miles of this sweet sea. I have been able to see the waters from three of the homes I have lived in. I have written into my will that my ashes are to be sunk beneath its waters.

As I prepare to journey again to Savannah it is the sea and the pelicans that I imagine as my destination. I am deeply called, not to be in or on, but to abide by great waters and to watch the sea birds.

I learned several months ago that there are fresh water pelicans, and that occasionally they will rest while migrating at Point Pelee in Lake Eire, the next Great Lake to the east. It would be wonderful if they would sojourn on the rocks that jut into the waters just 3 blocks away.

Pelicans and hummingbirds, and butterflies among other species, and clowns, and the circus stand in the human psyche for the Epiphany - that eternally timeless moment of NOW when we in our physical beingness experience the we of our spiritual beingness and know that we are all connected and one forever. Pelicans are clownlike. When they fish they dive bomb in a spiral, to disappear beneath the water to reemerge facing opposite way around to the direction they went in. In the human psyche spirals stand for the eternal rejuvenation of life.

In Savannah I will paint the abomination of the Mimico prison. With the pelicans leading me and refreshed by the salty tide, at rest in the seat of deep slavery, I will find my true relationship with this deeply rooted structure of exclusion.

Today the ROM offered me a contract to exhibit my paintings and tell my story. My feet are set and the journey begins!