It has been over a week since I began using this blog to reflect on the letter that I have now sent to the two pastors of First Presbyterian Church of Savannah – Stephen Williams and Will Shelburne. I sent the letter today. It had a few modifications from the text in the last four postings. I ended up concentrating more on invisibility and less on being an enemy.
In one sense I feel directionless and in another I feel quite the opposite. It is clear that the next five or six months will be focused on Laser Eagles, the ROM art exhibit, shifting my staff team and my physical realities in order to accommodate the upcoming trip to Oregon, Arizona and the Conference for Global Transformation in San Francisco. The purpose of much of this trip is to nail down an opportunity to research the BMX Model and to demonstrate the inclusive video game at the conference.
So the direction is set in that sense. It is not set in a more personal and specific sense. Questions such as “Do I need a different kind of staff person so I can travel more easily?” or “How do I make sure that I’m making enough money that I can let go of ODSP if/when I need to?” – these questions remain vague and uncertain. Of course, their vagueness will disappear as necessity demands I take action. For example, I currently only have three weeks of staff time scheduled and my staff will soon be questioning me about what shifts they will have and how many hours and when am I going away and all that sort of thing. In other words, life will give me a direction if I haven’t already chosen one myself.
I am battling with myself. The question looks something like “I thought you were going to retire?” My circle is meeting on Sunday and I can already hear them protesting the intensity of life which faces me from end of April until end of August.
It is not hard to see how this all emerged. A few months ago I was lying on my back in my comfy bed recovering from near-terminal illness. Two forces conspired to shift all that. First, I was intrigued by the gigantic toys playing blocks outside my window at night only to discover that a prison is being assembled in my neighbourhood. Secondly, a colleague from the Book of Judith play went to a party because we couldn’t go to Edinburgh in November because I was sick. This set off a chain of events leading to my having an Inclusion art exhibit at the Royal Ontario Museum. Add to these main themes that I actually did recover and that Laser Eagles was revitalized this fall by the combined efforts of Kimberly Fu and the CAVE board, and rather suddenly I’m pushing to create THE art exhibit about the journey of Inclusion that will – one hopes – convict people with the desire to embrace diversity.
There are other factors such as Mike Skubic and the video game. It all runs together at this point. I am on the road again and compelled again.
I have a great sense of fatigue just thinking about it all. Of course, the thinking about it is way more tiring than the doing of it, but that’s where I’m at right now. I have been learning in many ways, and particularly through the course on achieving a lasting impact that a sense of fatigue and hopelessness is really no more than confronting the perception that “the tiger is not dead but asleep”. You can drag it out of the path but as soon as it wakes up it is going to walk right back to the road and lay back down on it again. Trying to bring about Inclusion has been like trying to drag this sleeping tiger out of the road.
The course has been very interesting and instructive. It has pulled up virtually every occasion where I have felt like I got close to making a powerful impact on building Inclusion only to be driven back into obscurity. Whether it was Al Etmanski firing me in 2000 or Tom Kohler crossing his arms and emphatically saying that people with disabilities are not invited to Citizen Advocate training or Jack Pearpoint or Marsha Forest not including me in Inclusion Press. No matter how great and inspiring my own journey has been or my ideas may be I am not seen as having the practicality that is required to put a real organizational strategy together and to bring it to fruition.
So now we (mainly Mike and I) envision a well resourced organization that will foster Inclusion. Now I am preparing to put my energy on the line to get the necessary steps in place. I cannot know of course if I am just dragging another sleeping tiger to the culvert from whence it will shortly return, wet and hungry.
Showing posts with label inclusion. Show all posts
Showing posts with label inclusion. Show all posts
Tuesday, March 15, 2011
Thursday, March 10, 2011
March 10, 2011
I attended one sermon, given by Stephen Williams. It was to remind us that Jesus told us to love our enemies.
I remember that I was deeply moved, and now I don’t remember why. I remember that I had been listening from the middle of the central aisle because the notch that has been carved out of the last row of pews is a few inches too short for me to fit into.
I remember that I started to go up to Stephen after the service. Because I go out a different door I came up from behind him, and not being able to get his attention that way, I came around a different way. The second approach was more like swimming upstream because I was then moving back up the sidewalk as the departing crowd was coming down the path.
By this time several minutes had passed and Stephen was ready to move on. Not being able to catch more than a fleeting greeting from him, I shouted from a distance that I would write him a letter. This will be in that letter.
Mainly I remember how it seems that our different life circumstances virtually turn Stephen and I into each other’s enemies – not in an overtly hostile way – but in the sense that we physically and socially cannot share space except in the most truncated way. Good intention does not prevail against the long time present barriers between us.
In the model of Inclusion I have created (the BMX Model presented earlier in this blog) my sojourn in Imlay House was B – Basic Level inclusion. Mike and I were welcome, treated in a very warm way, freely given comforts and shelter, occasionally gifted with food, interacted with politely but briefly, and otherwise left alone, accountable for nothing more than returning the keys when we left. Other interactions were imagined before we arrived – there was speculation that we would meet with the youth group or speak at Wonderful Wednesday’s dinner, but when we actually arrived there was no space in people’s calendars.
Now, I don’t experience that I am an enemy or am viewed as an enemy of members of First Pres – quite the opposite. Just the same, if I WERE experienced as an enemy, and especially if I behaved like one, would the time at Imlay House have led to greater inclusion for Mike and I?
The scriptures admonishing Christians to love their enemies are all about “turn the other cheek” and “carry the load an extra mile”. They suggest that love is expressed as tolerating pain, standing present in the face of stress, generating more effort beyond an already overwhelming strain – all in the context of hostility and disrespect.
An enemy is not invisible. Mike and I were mainly invisible.
What would Christ have said about loving the invisible? Does this reality lay on me the responsibility to become an enemy when I am invisible, so that there will be an opportunity to be loved? Is that why Rosa Parks had to sit at the front of the bus?
(to be cont’d)
I remember that I was deeply moved, and now I don’t remember why. I remember that I had been listening from the middle of the central aisle because the notch that has been carved out of the last row of pews is a few inches too short for me to fit into.
I remember that I started to go up to Stephen after the service. Because I go out a different door I came up from behind him, and not being able to get his attention that way, I came around a different way. The second approach was more like swimming upstream because I was then moving back up the sidewalk as the departing crowd was coming down the path.
By this time several minutes had passed and Stephen was ready to move on. Not being able to catch more than a fleeting greeting from him, I shouted from a distance that I would write him a letter. This will be in that letter.
Mainly I remember how it seems that our different life circumstances virtually turn Stephen and I into each other’s enemies – not in an overtly hostile way – but in the sense that we physically and socially cannot share space except in the most truncated way. Good intention does not prevail against the long time present barriers between us.
In the model of Inclusion I have created (the BMX Model presented earlier in this blog) my sojourn in Imlay House was B – Basic Level inclusion. Mike and I were welcome, treated in a very warm way, freely given comforts and shelter, occasionally gifted with food, interacted with politely but briefly, and otherwise left alone, accountable for nothing more than returning the keys when we left. Other interactions were imagined before we arrived – there was speculation that we would meet with the youth group or speak at Wonderful Wednesday’s dinner, but when we actually arrived there was no space in people’s calendars.
Now, I don’t experience that I am an enemy or am viewed as an enemy of members of First Pres – quite the opposite. Just the same, if I WERE experienced as an enemy, and especially if I behaved like one, would the time at Imlay House have led to greater inclusion for Mike and I?
The scriptures admonishing Christians to love their enemies are all about “turn the other cheek” and “carry the load an extra mile”. They suggest that love is expressed as tolerating pain, standing present in the face of stress, generating more effort beyond an already overwhelming strain – all in the context of hostility and disrespect.
An enemy is not invisible. Mike and I were mainly invisible.
What would Christ have said about loving the invisible? Does this reality lay on me the responsibility to become an enemy when I am invisible, so that there will be an opportunity to be loved? Is that why Rosa Parks had to sit at the front of the bus?
(to be cont’d)
Thursday, March 3, 2011
March 3, 2011
I am restarting this blog while I’m feeling somewhat intimidated. I have never decided for how long I was going to keep up writing these posts. I started this blog out of a desire to express myself in an unfettered way while I recovered physically and while I got oriented to a new phase of life. Basically these accomplishments have been met.
Certainly there is value in keeping a daily journal. It is valuable in keeping me from unconsciously looping over the same thoughts and worries. Of course, it’s not that I don’t loop. Rather I can see the loops more quickly and have a go at saying something new more readily when I am writing everyday. As I engage in writing and thinking new (to me) things my world gains possibilities.
As for others, there are 17 followers of this blog, which is truly amazing to me! It certainly seems that a slowly growing circle of people are engaged with me in a dialogue about Inclusion. Of course this is not a typical dialogue but there is definitely an element of conversation. This element mostly shows up when people talk to me in real life situations about what they have recently read here. This is perhaps the most valuable aspect of this blog for me as I have many more moments when I am able to talk about things that I’m interested in with people where I don’t have to start at “square one”.
The intention of writing these postings daily has broken down a number of times. Some gaps happened when I ran out of things to say, but usually, at these times the daily discipline has been valuable because pushing through the gap gets me to a deeper level of understanding of myself and what I think. More of the gaps have happened when there was just more going on than I could physically and socially keep up with. In Savannah it was just more than I could fit into my energy level and time frame. It was important to focus on making sure that the painting happened. And it did happen!
On Friday night of last week I did a presentation at The Sentient Bean in Savannah – a community and social justice oriented coffee shop. I included in my talk the six pictures of the work that Mike and I did over eleven days at Imlay House.
From a certain perspective I left out one of the paintings. I use paper towels in one of my techniques to create a water colour impression. Mike saved the paper towel used to create one of the six. It is, in fact, a seventh creation all by itself, but I did not include it in the slides I showed that night.
Painting with Mike as my tracker, and also having him as one of only two personal assistants, and also living with him as a housemate for two weeks created the kind of emotional compression that my circle worries about vis a vis me and my safety and the choices I make in my life. It was very clearly, at least at some points, a strain for both of us. We got through it and we both did quite well, I think. We accomplished what we intended to do and the accomplishments were well done for the most part. At the same time we have conversations to have with each other and with others to explore that emotional compression and to see if there are better ways to achieve such accomplishments in the future.
So what was achieved? For me it was the six paintings, and above all THE painting. It turned out that “Dirty Window” is not THE painting. By February 20th it was clear to me that Mike and I could not finish “Dirty Window” in a way that would leave me satisfied with the work and him feeling acknowledged for his effort. It was at this point that I had a conversation with Mike that gave me a better understanding of how he could paint and keep up the work in a way that was both centred in his previous experience of doing art and reflecting the direction I wanted to go in. When I understood what he meant by “inking” I was able to formulate the picture in my own mind in a way that could work for both of us. Once again the art lead both of us in a different direction. The painting ‘Winter Mourning” is a true expression of Mike’s efforts, my response to the prison, and what the art itself wanted to be.
Here are some of our other accomplishments. I saw 14 pelicans over 2 days. We had a lot of fabulous meals. We spent a little less money than was available – YAY! We went for several long walks – sometimes together, sometimes separately. I gave two trainings for Chatham Savannah Citizen Advocacy, and both were well received. My talk at the Bean lead to some interesting reflections on what it will take to forward the action on Inclusion and Peace. Finally I did a bang up job of supporting an advocacy group on the last Monday of our trip, in Atlanta.
Now is a re-entry time. I love Savannah and I love Etobicoke. I am appreciated in a way in Savannah that does not happen anywhere else. The same is true in Etobicoke. The two worlds are different and both compelling. Part of my own inclusion journey is to continuously sort out having both.
Certainly there is value in keeping a daily journal. It is valuable in keeping me from unconsciously looping over the same thoughts and worries. Of course, it’s not that I don’t loop. Rather I can see the loops more quickly and have a go at saying something new more readily when I am writing everyday. As I engage in writing and thinking new (to me) things my world gains possibilities.
As for others, there are 17 followers of this blog, which is truly amazing to me! It certainly seems that a slowly growing circle of people are engaged with me in a dialogue about Inclusion. Of course this is not a typical dialogue but there is definitely an element of conversation. This element mostly shows up when people talk to me in real life situations about what they have recently read here. This is perhaps the most valuable aspect of this blog for me as I have many more moments when I am able to talk about things that I’m interested in with people where I don’t have to start at “square one”.
The intention of writing these postings daily has broken down a number of times. Some gaps happened when I ran out of things to say, but usually, at these times the daily discipline has been valuable because pushing through the gap gets me to a deeper level of understanding of myself and what I think. More of the gaps have happened when there was just more going on than I could physically and socially keep up with. In Savannah it was just more than I could fit into my energy level and time frame. It was important to focus on making sure that the painting happened. And it did happen!
On Friday night of last week I did a presentation at The Sentient Bean in Savannah – a community and social justice oriented coffee shop. I included in my talk the six pictures of the work that Mike and I did over eleven days at Imlay House.
From a certain perspective I left out one of the paintings. I use paper towels in one of my techniques to create a water colour impression. Mike saved the paper towel used to create one of the six. It is, in fact, a seventh creation all by itself, but I did not include it in the slides I showed that night.
Painting with Mike as my tracker, and also having him as one of only two personal assistants, and also living with him as a housemate for two weeks created the kind of emotional compression that my circle worries about vis a vis me and my safety and the choices I make in my life. It was very clearly, at least at some points, a strain for both of us. We got through it and we both did quite well, I think. We accomplished what we intended to do and the accomplishments were well done for the most part. At the same time we have conversations to have with each other and with others to explore that emotional compression and to see if there are better ways to achieve such accomplishments in the future.
So what was achieved? For me it was the six paintings, and above all THE painting. It turned out that “Dirty Window” is not THE painting. By February 20th it was clear to me that Mike and I could not finish “Dirty Window” in a way that would leave me satisfied with the work and him feeling acknowledged for his effort. It was at this point that I had a conversation with Mike that gave me a better understanding of how he could paint and keep up the work in a way that was both centred in his previous experience of doing art and reflecting the direction I wanted to go in. When I understood what he meant by “inking” I was able to formulate the picture in my own mind in a way that could work for both of us. Once again the art lead both of us in a different direction. The painting ‘Winter Mourning” is a true expression of Mike’s efforts, my response to the prison, and what the art itself wanted to be.
Here are some of our other accomplishments. I saw 14 pelicans over 2 days. We had a lot of fabulous meals. We spent a little less money than was available – YAY! We went for several long walks – sometimes together, sometimes separately. I gave two trainings for Chatham Savannah Citizen Advocacy, and both were well received. My talk at the Bean lead to some interesting reflections on what it will take to forward the action on Inclusion and Peace. Finally I did a bang up job of supporting an advocacy group on the last Monday of our trip, in Atlanta.
Now is a re-entry time. I love Savannah and I love Etobicoke. I am appreciated in a way in Savannah that does not happen anywhere else. The same is true in Etobicoke. The two worlds are different and both compelling. Part of my own inclusion journey is to continuously sort out having both.
Thursday, February 17, 2011
February 17, 2011
I think this is my sixth, but certainly it is my fifth, visit to Savannah where I have stayed a significant length of time. The first visit was in the mid-eighties when I travelled through here with Jack and Marsha. We were on a tour talking about Inclusive Education. Jack drove the van and did some of the personal assistance. It’s funny how my circle questions these tours I do when it was my circle that got me started back then.
The second one was without Jack and Marsha. I was travelling with Marie Matthews, and I believe there was another assistant then, but I don’t remember who it was. I distinctly do remember that Tom Kohler was my main host back then in 1986 or ‘87. I also remember that it was around the time of St. Patrick’s Day because Marie and I participated fully in the festivities. (Savannah has the world’s largest St. Patrick’s Day parade outside of Ireland.) I kept the green wig for many, many years!
Other trips fade into the background excepting for the one that brought me to Tybee Island and Imlay House (where Mike and I are now). That was 2008. Gloria, Franziska and Jean came with me, and a personal assistant named Paula who turned out to be an absolute failure as a supporter. This is how I came to meet Lara. Gloria and Franziska remember this trip very differently from me, but no matter. It was the birth of the idea that I would go on the World Peace through Inclusion Tour. It’s not that I planned the tour then but somewhere in my understanding I realized how much I needed to come south to sort things out. I met the pelicans, I encountered the unconscious attachment to slavery and I realized that this was a place where I could be reflected enough to find myself – like seeing myself in a mirror.
I also remember that trip as being one where I was full of anxiety, as were Gloria, Jean and Lara. The World Peace through Inclusion Tour was also a time when my companions and I were frequently emotionally upset. Now that I have passed through the beginning of the Third Cycle and I am back in Savannah, I realize that anxiety goes along with coming here. I am sure there are many factors. My assistants get homesick. Moving from one space to another, including packing up and shifting all of my gear, is another great source of disruption. The concern that there will be enough money has legitimacy. The background “worry” that my attendant care money will get suspended is there. However, these things are typical of any trip that I have taken. Only Savannah brings out this somewhat higher level of anxiety!
Perhaps it is because of the mirror! Somehow I find myself intensely drawn into the images of slavery. They are everywhere. There is a print on my bedroom wall of a 19th century garden – a vision of elegance that includes a pale white woman in a white dress with a white parasol. It is a perfect counterpoint to the elegance of Savannah and is reminiscent of our modern idea of the old plantation. My point is that such gardens and the plantations they were part of can only and could only have been sustained by free or nearly free labour. In spite of this the labourers remain largely invisible.
It reminds me of one of my very first trips to Georgia. We were participating in a conference in a large and elegant hotel. It was my first encounter with peach daiquiris. A black woman was sweeping in the middle of the lobby. Dozens of people – white people – walked around her and never saw her.
During the World Peace through Inclusion Tour I was made aware that slavery is alive and well in the United States – I am sure elsewhere as well. The essence of slavery is the buying and selling of humans. It apparently has never been made illegal to purchase a human being. Since it has become socially unacceptable, or at least politically incorrect, to speak of slavery or to acknowledge its presence, the means of buying and selling have become hidden. For example, the police will round up idle men and when they appear in court to be convicted of loitering, they will be sentenced to work for a major employer of the local area who has been working with the police to develop his labour pool. As “criminals” the men do not need to be paid more than a pittance. Most of the money that changes hands, if any, goes between the employer and the police.
Of course, it is not hard to understand why so many men are idle. It is not hard to create a recession and end jobs in the kind of capitalist economy that pervades our society.
As I become more conversant with the means of creating slavery I have been constantly struck by the commonality of how we create disability. These mechanisms are less hidden in the southern states as well. Labelled individuals are bought and sold between nursing homes and institutions on a regular basis. Tom Kohler, John O’Brien and other Georgian activists have told many stories of people they know personally who started in the south and were shipped from state to state at the convenience of the “service system”.
When I came to Savannah last I was engaged in consulting with some citizen advocates and friends of a man in his twenties who was starved to death in a nursing home on Tybee Island. They suspect that this happened because when you reach the age of twenty-one in Georgia the state will no longer pay for your “care”. This man’s only known relative was unwilling or unable to pick up the tab, and consequently he was put in a back room and left to die.
The friends and advocates were asking themselves how it was that they could not have seen what was going on. It seems that even those who are very aware of this dynamic are still not always able to be conscious of its invisibility.
So here I am struggling to make something visible that scares me deeply. No wonder I am anxious as are those around me. No doubt some wish I would just go away.
The second one was without Jack and Marsha. I was travelling with Marie Matthews, and I believe there was another assistant then, but I don’t remember who it was. I distinctly do remember that Tom Kohler was my main host back then in 1986 or ‘87. I also remember that it was around the time of St. Patrick’s Day because Marie and I participated fully in the festivities. (Savannah has the world’s largest St. Patrick’s Day parade outside of Ireland.) I kept the green wig for many, many years!
Other trips fade into the background excepting for the one that brought me to Tybee Island and Imlay House (where Mike and I are now). That was 2008. Gloria, Franziska and Jean came with me, and a personal assistant named Paula who turned out to be an absolute failure as a supporter. This is how I came to meet Lara. Gloria and Franziska remember this trip very differently from me, but no matter. It was the birth of the idea that I would go on the World Peace through Inclusion Tour. It’s not that I planned the tour then but somewhere in my understanding I realized how much I needed to come south to sort things out. I met the pelicans, I encountered the unconscious attachment to slavery and I realized that this was a place where I could be reflected enough to find myself – like seeing myself in a mirror.
I also remember that trip as being one where I was full of anxiety, as were Gloria, Jean and Lara. The World Peace through Inclusion Tour was also a time when my companions and I were frequently emotionally upset. Now that I have passed through the beginning of the Third Cycle and I am back in Savannah, I realize that anxiety goes along with coming here. I am sure there are many factors. My assistants get homesick. Moving from one space to another, including packing up and shifting all of my gear, is another great source of disruption. The concern that there will be enough money has legitimacy. The background “worry” that my attendant care money will get suspended is there. However, these things are typical of any trip that I have taken. Only Savannah brings out this somewhat higher level of anxiety!
Perhaps it is because of the mirror! Somehow I find myself intensely drawn into the images of slavery. They are everywhere. There is a print on my bedroom wall of a 19th century garden – a vision of elegance that includes a pale white woman in a white dress with a white parasol. It is a perfect counterpoint to the elegance of Savannah and is reminiscent of our modern idea of the old plantation. My point is that such gardens and the plantations they were part of can only and could only have been sustained by free or nearly free labour. In spite of this the labourers remain largely invisible.
It reminds me of one of my very first trips to Georgia. We were participating in a conference in a large and elegant hotel. It was my first encounter with peach daiquiris. A black woman was sweeping in the middle of the lobby. Dozens of people – white people – walked around her and never saw her.
During the World Peace through Inclusion Tour I was made aware that slavery is alive and well in the United States – I am sure elsewhere as well. The essence of slavery is the buying and selling of humans. It apparently has never been made illegal to purchase a human being. Since it has become socially unacceptable, or at least politically incorrect, to speak of slavery or to acknowledge its presence, the means of buying and selling have become hidden. For example, the police will round up idle men and when they appear in court to be convicted of loitering, they will be sentenced to work for a major employer of the local area who has been working with the police to develop his labour pool. As “criminals” the men do not need to be paid more than a pittance. Most of the money that changes hands, if any, goes between the employer and the police.
Of course, it is not hard to understand why so many men are idle. It is not hard to create a recession and end jobs in the kind of capitalist economy that pervades our society.
As I become more conversant with the means of creating slavery I have been constantly struck by the commonality of how we create disability. These mechanisms are less hidden in the southern states as well. Labelled individuals are bought and sold between nursing homes and institutions on a regular basis. Tom Kohler, John O’Brien and other Georgian activists have told many stories of people they know personally who started in the south and were shipped from state to state at the convenience of the “service system”.
When I came to Savannah last I was engaged in consulting with some citizen advocates and friends of a man in his twenties who was starved to death in a nursing home on Tybee Island. They suspect that this happened because when you reach the age of twenty-one in Georgia the state will no longer pay for your “care”. This man’s only known relative was unwilling or unable to pick up the tab, and consequently he was put in a back room and left to die.
The friends and advocates were asking themselves how it was that they could not have seen what was going on. It seems that even those who are very aware of this dynamic are still not always able to be conscious of its invisibility.
So here I am struggling to make something visible that scares me deeply. No wonder I am anxious as are those around me. No doubt some wish I would just go away.
Monday, February 14, 2011
February 14, 2011
Mike, Chris and I are in a grubby motel just outside of Knoxville. I have just finished being on the teleconference course called Making a Lasting Impact on Discourses. We’ve been eating southern BBQ and enjoying it immensely. The needle under the bed, the blood on the box frame and the punch hole in the door are perhaps not so intriguing!
Today we had lunch with Peter Block. I realize that it has been a good six years since I met him. I consider him a good friend and patron. And today I also realized that it was time for me to buy lunch! I also gave him a pack of Laser Eagle cards as a Valentine’s Day gift.
Peter Block is very much part of my “bigger conversations” friends. We quickly were talking about empires and the economy and making the invisible visible and seeing the abundance that is right in front of us, and connecting all of that to the Bible and world news and… etc. I’m pretty sure that Chris and Mike were pretty deep into the conversation as well. We recorded it on Mike’s iPhone and I intend to put excerpts of it into this blog now and then.
It was a gruelling task yesterday to obtain a cell phone that had a headset (Bluetooth!) that Mike and I can use throughout the trip as it has a Savannah number. Neither one of us can afford the horrendous cost of roaming charges on our regular cell numbers. I’m glad that we persevered through the annoyance because the wifi in the motel failed me and I wasn’t able to get onto my teleconference through Skype. I’m so glad that I had the phone as a back up! By the way our number is 912-713-5739.
The topic of tonight’s teleconference was “resignation”, which in Landmark terms means the hopeless feeling. The upshot was to have us look at that resignation comes from feeling like you are one small person against a big world. In this model of oneself it is impossible to believe that you (I) have the power to impact a worldwide culture – in my case the cultures of exclusion and war.
We were encouraged to play with other models of ourselves. I came up with that I am a mouthpiece of a conversation that is pressing to be heard – the conversation of Inclusion and peace. Please, if I forget as I’m sure I will, and start feeling small and alone, remind me that this is a way of looking at myself that I inherited when I was little.
We are less than a day away from Savannah. If it wasn’t for my teleconference and for needing to drop Chris in Atlanta tomorrow, we probably would have pressed on and made Savannah by tonight. Actually I prefer it this way as it’s easy to get lost in Savannah at night and it will be a great pleasure to have Mike see it’s elegance for the first time in broad daylight.
Peter Block made a clear point that I should thank the people of Savannah for making me aware of how slavery and disability are two parts of the same economic conversation – turning people into commodities instead of persons with rights and gifts. I appreciate that he put it this way – in terms of gratitude and appreciation. This will help me greatly when I am speaking to people. I’m expecting to give four presentations while I am here.
Beyond that, the pelicans and the painting, not to mention the church suppers and other opportunities for good southern food are very much on my mind. And then there are the many, many people that I’m eager to reconnect with. The first of those will be Lara, the beautiful young woman who is going to be Mike’s sidekick for this leg of the trip.
I am so happy to be on an adventure again. Yes, I am tired and my back hurts sometimes. Just the same, it is like I am being recharged. Now and then “the mouthpiece” must find new words and new perspectives. Being on the road has always given me opportunities for just that kind of reframing and waking up. I love where I live and at the same time I so very much need to be moving about in the world. This is who I am!
Today we had lunch with Peter Block. I realize that it has been a good six years since I met him. I consider him a good friend and patron. And today I also realized that it was time for me to buy lunch! I also gave him a pack of Laser Eagle cards as a Valentine’s Day gift.
Peter Block is very much part of my “bigger conversations” friends. We quickly were talking about empires and the economy and making the invisible visible and seeing the abundance that is right in front of us, and connecting all of that to the Bible and world news and… etc. I’m pretty sure that Chris and Mike were pretty deep into the conversation as well. We recorded it on Mike’s iPhone and I intend to put excerpts of it into this blog now and then.
It was a gruelling task yesterday to obtain a cell phone that had a headset (Bluetooth!) that Mike and I can use throughout the trip as it has a Savannah number. Neither one of us can afford the horrendous cost of roaming charges on our regular cell numbers. I’m glad that we persevered through the annoyance because the wifi in the motel failed me and I wasn’t able to get onto my teleconference through Skype. I’m so glad that I had the phone as a back up! By the way our number is 912-713-5739.
The topic of tonight’s teleconference was “resignation”, which in Landmark terms means the hopeless feeling. The upshot was to have us look at that resignation comes from feeling like you are one small person against a big world. In this model of oneself it is impossible to believe that you (I) have the power to impact a worldwide culture – in my case the cultures of exclusion and war.
We were encouraged to play with other models of ourselves. I came up with that I am a mouthpiece of a conversation that is pressing to be heard – the conversation of Inclusion and peace. Please, if I forget as I’m sure I will, and start feeling small and alone, remind me that this is a way of looking at myself that I inherited when I was little.
We are less than a day away from Savannah. If it wasn’t for my teleconference and for needing to drop Chris in Atlanta tomorrow, we probably would have pressed on and made Savannah by tonight. Actually I prefer it this way as it’s easy to get lost in Savannah at night and it will be a great pleasure to have Mike see it’s elegance for the first time in broad daylight.
Peter Block made a clear point that I should thank the people of Savannah for making me aware of how slavery and disability are two parts of the same economic conversation – turning people into commodities instead of persons with rights and gifts. I appreciate that he put it this way – in terms of gratitude and appreciation. This will help me greatly when I am speaking to people. I’m expecting to give four presentations while I am here.
Beyond that, the pelicans and the painting, not to mention the church suppers and other opportunities for good southern food are very much on my mind. And then there are the many, many people that I’m eager to reconnect with. The first of those will be Lara, the beautiful young woman who is going to be Mike’s sidekick for this leg of the trip.
I am so happy to be on an adventure again. Yes, I am tired and my back hurts sometimes. Just the same, it is like I am being recharged. Now and then “the mouthpiece” must find new words and new perspectives. Being on the road has always given me opportunities for just that kind of reframing and waking up. I love where I live and at the same time I so very much need to be moving about in the world. This is who I am!
Saturday, February 12, 2011
February 12, 2011
It’s the day before I leave for Savannah, with Mike Skubic and Christopher Lee. Things are a bit chaotic around here!
Once again I missed blogging yesterday. I was at the “Work of Hearts” Gala, a fundraiser for Laser Eagles. I think for now it is just better to say that I will blog every four days at least, or twice a week. Until I get my road life back under my belt I don’t want to give the impression that I’m simply choosing not to blog. Rather I am re-establishing the “rhythm” that gets it all done. – (preferably making it all look easy at the same time!)
The Gala was fabulous and a real testament both to what people can accomplish even when they don’t necessarily see “eye-to-eye”, and to Kimberly Fu’s capacity as an event organizer. It was elegance at its best and done on shoe string. Regardless of how much money was made (I have no idea!) the essential value of Laser Eagles was communicated far and wide.
I had a real sense of people working together, as well. Mike Skubic and Helen Tweddle jumped in – with my Dad’s car – to make Greg’s transportation work out. Other tasks were getting handled with little fanfare. It made community seem real.
For me this was all on top of a week of last minute rushes, dramas, inadequate schedulings and opportunities – lost and found. It seemed that I still had only two double bookings to resolve, and they both worked out rather miraculously.
A sense of a fundamental shift is there. The new ODSP caseworker called me to get help in working out my complex financial situation with the clear intention of making it work for me. Olivia passed MY proposal around to all members of the Inclusion Circle. The media CAME to the Laser Eagles event. It feels like I’m actually being taken seriously!
I have wanted to and thought about blogging all the way through, but not had the energy and focus when the time came. I really SHOULD get one of those voice recorders that can be downloaded and converted to a text file.
Anyway the adventure has truly begun. The car is washed, gassed and loaded. Nearly everything is done, except the sleep.
Soon I will be painting, and revealing – mostly to myself – what message the rising Mimico Correctional Centre is trying to evoke.
I guess what really shifted is that I am willing, or nearly so, to be a leader with a distinct point of view, a defined vision of what the next world needs to be like, the beginnings of a strategy, and the willingness to have others improve it.
It is late and my eyes are drooping, my legs aching and my head fuzzy. Let the adventure begin.
Once again I missed blogging yesterday. I was at the “Work of Hearts” Gala, a fundraiser for Laser Eagles. I think for now it is just better to say that I will blog every four days at least, or twice a week. Until I get my road life back under my belt I don’t want to give the impression that I’m simply choosing not to blog. Rather I am re-establishing the “rhythm” that gets it all done. – (preferably making it all look easy at the same time!)
The Gala was fabulous and a real testament both to what people can accomplish even when they don’t necessarily see “eye-to-eye”, and to Kimberly Fu’s capacity as an event organizer. It was elegance at its best and done on shoe string. Regardless of how much money was made (I have no idea!) the essential value of Laser Eagles was communicated far and wide.
I had a real sense of people working together, as well. Mike Skubic and Helen Tweddle jumped in – with my Dad’s car – to make Greg’s transportation work out. Other tasks were getting handled with little fanfare. It made community seem real.
For me this was all on top of a week of last minute rushes, dramas, inadequate schedulings and opportunities – lost and found. It seemed that I still had only two double bookings to resolve, and they both worked out rather miraculously.
A sense of a fundamental shift is there. The new ODSP caseworker called me to get help in working out my complex financial situation with the clear intention of making it work for me. Olivia passed MY proposal around to all members of the Inclusion Circle. The media CAME to the Laser Eagles event. It feels like I’m actually being taken seriously!
I have wanted to and thought about blogging all the way through, but not had the energy and focus when the time came. I really SHOULD get one of those voice recorders that can be downloaded and converted to a text file.
Anyway the adventure has truly begun. The car is washed, gassed and loaded. Nearly everything is done, except the sleep.
Soon I will be painting, and revealing – mostly to myself – what message the rising Mimico Correctional Centre is trying to evoke.
I guess what really shifted is that I am willing, or nearly so, to be a leader with a distinct point of view, a defined vision of what the next world needs to be like, the beginnings of a strategy, and the willingness to have others improve it.
It is late and my eyes are drooping, my legs aching and my head fuzzy. Let the adventure begin.
Thursday, February 10, 2011
February 10, 2011
Last night my computer died after the router was unplugged. With Eva’s help I was able to establish my adaptive interface onto Helen’s computer and I was able to type again. However, the whole thing took long enough that I did not get to the blog, or – this week’s crucial task – supporting the online discussion about Inclusion that is part of Jay Klein’s Introductory class on Community and Disability at Arizona State University.
This morning I caught up on the class discussion and I will share some of that here. By the way Nick restored the start up function of my own computer and I am typing on it now.
Here is one of the student’s posts.
I currently manage the daily operations and community outreach for our family business, which is a caregiving agency. My role involves providing information on resources and referrals to families who are caring for older adults, conducting an assessment of the individual’s needs and strengths, developing a care plan which reflects their desires for assistance, and then matching the appropriate caregiver/companion to the individual. Since this is not medical care, but rather holistic “people-care”, we have the privilege of creating and nurturing meaningful relationships. It is a service based upon mutual agreement and recognition of individual choice.
Judith, your wisdom on understanding the importance of giftedness, inclusion, dreaming and relationships really resonated with me. I found that these basic principles of human essence had already crept into the language of my company philosophy. Five years ago when we started Blessings! For Seniors, I wrote this piece for our caregiver orientation/training:
“We are committed to supporting families in caring for each other, believing that all generations of the family have gifts to offer each other…We value caring for others, helping those in need, respect and appreciation of the human spirit. We believe each individual has a unique and valued purpose in life--that we are part of a greater community which is called to encourage and support each other.”
Little did I realize how this process of joining families in their circle of care would lead to discovering a host of giftedness, dreams and relationship! Each individual with whom we partner, trustingly reveals their personal struggles, hopes and dreams of something better. Like you say in your book “What’s Really Worth Doing”, dreaming is at the heart of relationship and we are compelled to be listeners of those dreams. I see the relationship between dreaming, expressing the dream, and it becoming reality. At Blessings!, we get to be Listeners and partners in creating reality--how awesome! Thank you for sharing your insight and illuminating my understanding of this sacred aspect of life.
My response:
I am getting “old”. My Dad is nearly 91. Both of us have hands on experience of both being supported by caregivers who (unconsciously I’m sure) see us as commodities – a means of exchange that keeps the system going, or others who relate to us as colleagues in the relationship where each is part of fulfilling each other’s life journey.
My Dad joined Facebook last Saturday. I’m certain that respectful, listening and relationship enhancing caregiving is ONE of the elements that has had him discover new life even though the love of his life, his wife of 63 years, Rita died three years ago.
But I want to point out something to you and your classmates. For the sake of your own learning and life journey, make sure that you go beyond agreeing or disagreeing with what you read in the Course Leaders’ and classmates’ postings. Agreement and disagreement ends the dialogue and shuts the gate of exploration.
Instead post stories about the new questions that emerge. This is the leading edge of your own dream.
Another student:
This whole view of the system prescribing how people should behave and be is what I am fighting against in my own career. I am currently working to get my doctorate in Public Administration with a focus on disability policy. This information supports my arguments that the system is very paternalistic and rigid. There is little room for self-determination leaving the clients the government works with to become more helpless and dependent, while conforming to government’s view of them. This is totally opposite to building a fully inclusive, strong and resilient community.
My response:
I have a blog about stories of people who are contributing and whose contributions are limited by the side effects of government assistance. The link is http://judithasnow.blogspot.com/. I think you could add to it!
It is a pleasure to work with students, and my only wish is that I could get face-to-face with them and have them go deeper!
This morning I caught up on the class discussion and I will share some of that here. By the way Nick restored the start up function of my own computer and I am typing on it now.
Here is one of the student’s posts.
I currently manage the daily operations and community outreach for our family business, which is a caregiving agency. My role involves providing information on resources and referrals to families who are caring for older adults, conducting an assessment of the individual’s needs and strengths, developing a care plan which reflects their desires for assistance, and then matching the appropriate caregiver/companion to the individual. Since this is not medical care, but rather holistic “people-care”, we have the privilege of creating and nurturing meaningful relationships. It is a service based upon mutual agreement and recognition of individual choice.
Judith, your wisdom on understanding the importance of giftedness, inclusion, dreaming and relationships really resonated with me. I found that these basic principles of human essence had already crept into the language of my company philosophy. Five years ago when we started Blessings! For Seniors, I wrote this piece for our caregiver orientation/training:
“We are committed to supporting families in caring for each other, believing that all generations of the family have gifts to offer each other…We value caring for others, helping those in need, respect and appreciation of the human spirit. We believe each individual has a unique and valued purpose in life--that we are part of a greater community which is called to encourage and support each other.”
Little did I realize how this process of joining families in their circle of care would lead to discovering a host of giftedness, dreams and relationship! Each individual with whom we partner, trustingly reveals their personal struggles, hopes and dreams of something better. Like you say in your book “What’s Really Worth Doing”, dreaming is at the heart of relationship and we are compelled to be listeners of those dreams. I see the relationship between dreaming, expressing the dream, and it becoming reality. At Blessings!, we get to be Listeners and partners in creating reality--how awesome! Thank you for sharing your insight and illuminating my understanding of this sacred aspect of life.
My response:
I am getting “old”. My Dad is nearly 91. Both of us have hands on experience of both being supported by caregivers who (unconsciously I’m sure) see us as commodities – a means of exchange that keeps the system going, or others who relate to us as colleagues in the relationship where each is part of fulfilling each other’s life journey.
My Dad joined Facebook last Saturday. I’m certain that respectful, listening and relationship enhancing caregiving is ONE of the elements that has had him discover new life even though the love of his life, his wife of 63 years, Rita died three years ago.
But I want to point out something to you and your classmates. For the sake of your own learning and life journey, make sure that you go beyond agreeing or disagreeing with what you read in the Course Leaders’ and classmates’ postings. Agreement and disagreement ends the dialogue and shuts the gate of exploration.
Instead post stories about the new questions that emerge. This is the leading edge of your own dream.
Another student:
This whole view of the system prescribing how people should behave and be is what I am fighting against in my own career. I am currently working to get my doctorate in Public Administration with a focus on disability policy. This information supports my arguments that the system is very paternalistic and rigid. There is little room for self-determination leaving the clients the government works with to become more helpless and dependent, while conforming to government’s view of them. This is totally opposite to building a fully inclusive, strong and resilient community.
My response:
I have a blog about stories of people who are contributing and whose contributions are limited by the side effects of government assistance. The link is http://judithasnow.blogspot.com/. I think you could add to it!
It is a pleasure to work with students, and my only wish is that I could get face-to-face with them and have them go deeper!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
February 8, 2011
Well I can see that I am going to have to shift something very soon. I’m exhausted, my email inbox is full of over 160 messages, many of them unread, there are still many things to do before we leave and the near future promises to open up with even more possibilities and projects. After Paul Aiello has publicly announced that the ROM has committed to putting up my art exhibit there has been a flood of congratulations and expectation.
I have the same expectations myself, really. It is certainly my intention that this exhibit will form the foundation of a new capacity to speak Inclusion into the world but already I can see that I am not up to fulfilling this potential. I need ways to strip away activities and commitments – not as giving them up but as in having them fulfilled without my personal attention. Otherwise I will not have enough privacy and rest.
Gloria’s right – much must be given away. From my perspective this is no small task. There are so many intricacies that I have brought to the table on my own behalf in the last twenty or so years. For example, today I spent a good hour resolving for the third time the discomfort of my new accountant over the fact that I will indeed overspend my personal assistant budget in the near future. I’ve reassured her that what I need her to do is to tell me the state that the budget is in but not to panic. I know that I have avenues – some already activated – to bring new money into the picture. But these potentials are very difficult for brand new people to see and so I spend as much energy supporting them as if I were doing it myself, or at least that’s how it feels.
Nevertheless the time has come. The potential of the ROM exhibit is too great to try to keep it inside of my own scope. I no longer represent myself.
This is a major reason why I have just seen The King’s Speech for the third time, besides that Bill Worrell had not yet seen it before tonight. There comes a time when a genuine leader is no longer representing them self. This time has certainly landed on me at this point. And so I must distinguish between speaking and doing what is required of me as a leader and speaking and doing what is required of me as a person. It would seem that truly great people somehow manage to do both at the same time, and also take it to such a level that their influence becomes cross-cultural. It is not that I particularly want to do this. It is just clear that it is within my grasp and so history compels me.
It will be simpler next week. By this time next Tuesday we will be getting ready for a painting day in Savannah. At least for a short time I will be left in peace.
It feels to me like I am complaining right now. I’m not really. This is exactly what I want and have wanted since I was very young. The gap that I am experiencing comes not from being pushed into a life that I don’t want but simply that this is required of me to shift how I do things so that many many more people can be involved. Currently I do not feel like I have the time and resources to expand in two different directions. This is something to be invented.
I am not able to stay awake now. Goodnight.
I have the same expectations myself, really. It is certainly my intention that this exhibit will form the foundation of a new capacity to speak Inclusion into the world but already I can see that I am not up to fulfilling this potential. I need ways to strip away activities and commitments – not as giving them up but as in having them fulfilled without my personal attention. Otherwise I will not have enough privacy and rest.
Gloria’s right – much must be given away. From my perspective this is no small task. There are so many intricacies that I have brought to the table on my own behalf in the last twenty or so years. For example, today I spent a good hour resolving for the third time the discomfort of my new accountant over the fact that I will indeed overspend my personal assistant budget in the near future. I’ve reassured her that what I need her to do is to tell me the state that the budget is in but not to panic. I know that I have avenues – some already activated – to bring new money into the picture. But these potentials are very difficult for brand new people to see and so I spend as much energy supporting them as if I were doing it myself, or at least that’s how it feels.
Nevertheless the time has come. The potential of the ROM exhibit is too great to try to keep it inside of my own scope. I no longer represent myself.
This is a major reason why I have just seen The King’s Speech for the third time, besides that Bill Worrell had not yet seen it before tonight. There comes a time when a genuine leader is no longer representing them self. This time has certainly landed on me at this point. And so I must distinguish between speaking and doing what is required of me as a leader and speaking and doing what is required of me as a person. It would seem that truly great people somehow manage to do both at the same time, and also take it to such a level that their influence becomes cross-cultural. It is not that I particularly want to do this. It is just clear that it is within my grasp and so history compels me.
It will be simpler next week. By this time next Tuesday we will be getting ready for a painting day in Savannah. At least for a short time I will be left in peace.
It feels to me like I am complaining right now. I’m not really. This is exactly what I want and have wanted since I was very young. The gap that I am experiencing comes not from being pushed into a life that I don’t want but simply that this is required of me to shift how I do things so that many many more people can be involved. Currently I do not feel like I have the time and resources to expand in two different directions. This is something to be invented.
I am not able to stay awake now. Goodnight.
Sunday, February 6, 2011
February 6, 2011
I just spoke to Lara, and that deep, edgy Southern lilt breaks/melts my heart. I am just one week, a few phone calls and e-mails, and a very long drive away from Savannah. Deep into the elegant veneer and the ball breaking poverty and racism. Within salty scent of cold Atlantic waters and magical pelicans.
It is like I have already left. There are over a hundred e-mails in my Inbox. I have fallen off the map of the Wisdom team. I have begun to consider how to pack the car and what road food to bring.
My circle met today. We had yet another fabulous pot luck – this time with a variety of chicken and pastries. Gloria told story after story of what she learned in and from members of the First African Baptist Church.
It’s funny but we clearly had very different trips to Savannah that winter of early 2008, or was it ‘07. for me it was all about advocacy, beginning to collect peace stories and meeting Lara. For Franziska, about having a GREAT time, for Gloria about the stories of blacks building their place in the world, society and community through turning Christianity back into a revolutionary journey.
The telling of our stories pulls together a mosaic. The story is bigger than the five women who lived it.
This morning I was reflecting on my commitment as a journey to tell a different story. I began to think of my MA as Magical Artist. I was seeing the power – the Syncopated Transition – in telling a story that interrupts the oppressive mirage. Even more than that I was seeing the power – the Syncopated Transition – in simply having perfect faith that one’s story IS the story, even though every other person is creating and fulfilling another drama.
I have heard the story of one black, deeply disturbed yet innocently diverse and fundamentally spiritual man – a man with a stack of disability labels – who single handedly pacified a police department which is known to be so aggressive as to blame a Chinese woman for being run down in the street.
So now I will paint a prison while retreating into the bosom of blatant racism. I am beginning to see Third Cycle as being about building stories that can, just by being told, interrupt and transform the space so that people can see the different choices that are available to them.
It was not long after the Savannah trip that Gloria and Franziska came on, and the shorter two that followed closely afterward, that I met Gabor Podor, and we created the model – Syncopated Transition. I am now beginning to see the unfolding of its power.
Syncopated Transition
In jazz, musicians use syncopation to emphasize a weaker or ignored beat in such a way that they create a new melody that challenges or counters the original melody. The original melody is not destroyed. The overall piece is transformed.
Syncopated Transition is a method of creating Inclusion by valuing and building on a characteristic or gift which has been rejected or suppressed by a community. As in jazz this creation is structured in such a way that a new opportunity in community is created.
Peace is a natural outcome of Syncopated Transition. Peace results from people experiencing that more opportunities are available to them while at the same time the fundamental structures of their lives and communities are preserved.
I see that my aim is to be a syncopated transition.
It is like I have already left. There are over a hundred e-mails in my Inbox. I have fallen off the map of the Wisdom team. I have begun to consider how to pack the car and what road food to bring.
My circle met today. We had yet another fabulous pot luck – this time with a variety of chicken and pastries. Gloria told story after story of what she learned in and from members of the First African Baptist Church.
It’s funny but we clearly had very different trips to Savannah that winter of early 2008, or was it ‘07. for me it was all about advocacy, beginning to collect peace stories and meeting Lara. For Franziska, about having a GREAT time, for Gloria about the stories of blacks building their place in the world, society and community through turning Christianity back into a revolutionary journey.
The telling of our stories pulls together a mosaic. The story is bigger than the five women who lived it.
This morning I was reflecting on my commitment as a journey to tell a different story. I began to think of my MA as Magical Artist. I was seeing the power – the Syncopated Transition – in telling a story that interrupts the oppressive mirage. Even more than that I was seeing the power – the Syncopated Transition – in simply having perfect faith that one’s story IS the story, even though every other person is creating and fulfilling another drama.
I have heard the story of one black, deeply disturbed yet innocently diverse and fundamentally spiritual man – a man with a stack of disability labels – who single handedly pacified a police department which is known to be so aggressive as to blame a Chinese woman for being run down in the street.
So now I will paint a prison while retreating into the bosom of blatant racism. I am beginning to see Third Cycle as being about building stories that can, just by being told, interrupt and transform the space so that people can see the different choices that are available to them.
It was not long after the Savannah trip that Gloria and Franziska came on, and the shorter two that followed closely afterward, that I met Gabor Podor, and we created the model – Syncopated Transition. I am now beginning to see the unfolding of its power.
Syncopated Transition
In jazz, musicians use syncopation to emphasize a weaker or ignored beat in such a way that they create a new melody that challenges or counters the original melody. The original melody is not destroyed. The overall piece is transformed.
Syncopated Transition is a method of creating Inclusion by valuing and building on a characteristic or gift which has been rejected or suppressed by a community. As in jazz this creation is structured in such a way that a new opportunity in community is created.
Peace is a natural outcome of Syncopated Transition. Peace results from people experiencing that more opportunities are available to them while at the same time the fundamental structures of their lives and communities are preserved.
I see that my aim is to be a syncopated transition.
Saturday, February 5, 2011
February 5, 2011
Pretty soon I have to deal with the fact that I have taken on more to do than I can possibly manage. I can hear Gloria saying (loudly!) “Give it away!” I feel like I have been giving stuff away but clearly there is some kind of exponential factor going on here. The more you give away the more you’ve got to give away. I guess that’s what abundance is all about.
Giving stuff away is also a dynamic process. The gift must be accepted. And then there’s that difficult space – at least for me – giving something away doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t want to take it back.
Yesterday gave me a good example of this. I have formed an informal partnership with two of my Wisdom City Team colleagues. One is an excellent networker and through her we got to interview David Tsibouchi, a former Cabinet Minister in the Conservative Provincial Government. Things were going well in my view and then this woman turned the conversation into “disability” and claimed that we don’t have an identity as the three of us together. Although this is true in a formal business way, we had already talked about how we have a common accomplishment as being team leaders in the production of the Wisdom course and have international accomplishments that we can lay claim to. Anyways, I had that moment of feeling that I was being left in an untenable position of, first of all, appearing to not know what I’m doing and secondly, being drawn back into the M Level disability conversation.
So what I’m saying is that I have given away unilateral control and suddenly want to snatch it back because it looks to me like the situation could only go in a wrong direction.
It seems like no matter how good I get at communicating who I am and what I want, not to mention what I have to offer, these things don’t get remembered or don’t get appreciated in a way that supports me to move the Inclusion action forward. Now I know that’s not strictly true, maybe not even sort of true – I’m just letting you know how it seems in a situation like that.
In other words I want to keep control over my own legacy. I don’t want to give it away even though that’s what needs to happen with any legacy. It’s a real pain in the ass to keep on hearing over and over again that I’m a leader in the disability world.
Actually I can name you at least half a dozen people who are leaders in the “disability” world who would flatly say that I’m not a leader in the “disability” world. I am actively excluded from many organizations and opportunities in that network. I don’t toe the party line, I’m not doing things that members do, and I’m not reliable to keep within the framework of that type of organization. I would exclude me if I were a leader among people who call themselves disabled.
Perhaps this is a mark that I am actually having an impact – one of those conversations I was having with myself when I was very sick in the hospital. On the one hand I am a hot potato among the people who are promoting a “disability” view of the world – on the other I am being recruited by people who think that Inclusion can be used as a leg up in the “disability” world. Such folks are going to be upset with me indeed!
It’s fascinating and puzzling to me that the ROM has gone to such great lengths to include me in their ponderous planning cycle. It is apparent that three or four key individuals went to bat energetically so that my exhibit would get established inside of 2011. Although I doubt that these people understand Inclusion the way I do – at least not yet – it is clear that they can see that I am offering something different and that I have a way of expressing that is concrete enough and clear enough for the general public to be able to get a flavour of it in a highly visual context.
For me this is a genuine achievement. Less than ten years ago I couldn’t get the words out of my own mouth – now I have an audience as well as enemies and followers, albeit some of those followers have little clue what it is they are following.
I feel I must explore what can be given away and what must be hung on to. It’s no good for me to try and do as much as I’m doing. Too much falls off the plate and I will eventually get too tired, although I’m remarkably feisty right now!
Giving stuff away is also a dynamic process. The gift must be accepted. And then there’s that difficult space – at least for me – giving something away doesn’t necessarily mean I don’t want to take it back.
Yesterday gave me a good example of this. I have formed an informal partnership with two of my Wisdom City Team colleagues. One is an excellent networker and through her we got to interview David Tsibouchi, a former Cabinet Minister in the Conservative Provincial Government. Things were going well in my view and then this woman turned the conversation into “disability” and claimed that we don’t have an identity as the three of us together. Although this is true in a formal business way, we had already talked about how we have a common accomplishment as being team leaders in the production of the Wisdom course and have international accomplishments that we can lay claim to. Anyways, I had that moment of feeling that I was being left in an untenable position of, first of all, appearing to not know what I’m doing and secondly, being drawn back into the M Level disability conversation.
So what I’m saying is that I have given away unilateral control and suddenly want to snatch it back because it looks to me like the situation could only go in a wrong direction.
It seems like no matter how good I get at communicating who I am and what I want, not to mention what I have to offer, these things don’t get remembered or don’t get appreciated in a way that supports me to move the Inclusion action forward. Now I know that’s not strictly true, maybe not even sort of true – I’m just letting you know how it seems in a situation like that.
In other words I want to keep control over my own legacy. I don’t want to give it away even though that’s what needs to happen with any legacy. It’s a real pain in the ass to keep on hearing over and over again that I’m a leader in the disability world.
Actually I can name you at least half a dozen people who are leaders in the “disability” world who would flatly say that I’m not a leader in the “disability” world. I am actively excluded from many organizations and opportunities in that network. I don’t toe the party line, I’m not doing things that members do, and I’m not reliable to keep within the framework of that type of organization. I would exclude me if I were a leader among people who call themselves disabled.
Perhaps this is a mark that I am actually having an impact – one of those conversations I was having with myself when I was very sick in the hospital. On the one hand I am a hot potato among the people who are promoting a “disability” view of the world – on the other I am being recruited by people who think that Inclusion can be used as a leg up in the “disability” world. Such folks are going to be upset with me indeed!
It’s fascinating and puzzling to me that the ROM has gone to such great lengths to include me in their ponderous planning cycle. It is apparent that three or four key individuals went to bat energetically so that my exhibit would get established inside of 2011. Although I doubt that these people understand Inclusion the way I do – at least not yet – it is clear that they can see that I am offering something different and that I have a way of expressing that is concrete enough and clear enough for the general public to be able to get a flavour of it in a highly visual context.
For me this is a genuine achievement. Less than ten years ago I couldn’t get the words out of my own mouth – now I have an audience as well as enemies and followers, albeit some of those followers have little clue what it is they are following.
I feel I must explore what can be given away and what must be hung on to. It’s no good for me to try and do as much as I’m doing. Too much falls off the plate and I will eventually get too tired, although I’m remarkably feisty right now!
Thursday, February 3, 2011
February 3, 2011
It looks like Kimberly is back playing Farmville. Yay!
The crane was dancing this morning again. During the night sometime several more cubes arrived and all of them were rearranged. In the further distance one can now see that a whole new layer of cubes has been added to the prison, a little southwest of the rest of the building. Perhaps there is an entire new section going up. How big are sixteen hundred cubes when they are stacked up!?!
The bits and pieces for the Savannah trip are beginning to take shape. Mike and I are getting down to the wire, which means organizing things like travel insurance, lodging down and back, scheduling the nights that I will do workshops for Chatham Savannah Citizen Advocacy. On Tuesday I “acquired” two small painting kits with brushes and mini tubes of all the basic colours. These kits came inside of canvases that Laser Eagles had bought at a dollar store. They were going to be discarded because we use 2-litre size bottles of paint. I get a chuckle when I think about how often I have found significant resources by just such acquisition – from picking up garbaged furniture, to taking other people’s leftovers after a restaurant meal, to sorting through clothes that others are about to recycle. I wonder if I will post notices in the ROM exhibit of all the paintings that were created out of scrap materials. It might very well fit the theme!
Part of the kit that I was assembling today for Savannah is my medications for diabetes, pain support and nutrition (chewable vitamins and calcium). It’s kind of like gathering my armour for a battle. These create my sense of security and safety as much as knowing that there will be enough money. The last important $500 came in this morning with a commitment from Peter Block to hire me for one morning on the way down. It is like putting the last brick in the wall and I bless his generousity.
I believe this will be the sixth time that I have journeyed to Savannah. It forms a kind of rhythm in my life. Savannah is the place I go to to warm up, to eat well, to feel great with good friends, to see the Spanish moss and the pelicans and, perhaps most importantly, to become clear on what slavery does to human relationships and creativity. It was in Savannah that I learned that I am a slave. I learned this listening to a man present his book about how slavery has been recreated in the United States. The fundamental element of slavery is the buying and selling of a person’s body¸ especially without the permission of that person. Of course, people who are labelled with disability are bought and sold constantly and most often have very limited or no choice about their location. I myself cannot leave Ontario for more than five weeks in a year. This would not be considered a huge problem to most people who are labelled disabled, but since the majority of work I have been doing in my life has been outside of Canada, I have frequently been an outlaw. It used to be that people turned a blind eye on my behalf but that ended just before Gabor, Erin and I left for the Tour in 2008. Now I must be careful!
It is paradoxically refreshing to be in a place where people are polite but very explicit about the intention to keep racism and slavery alive and well. The clarity of the experience allows for genuine dialogue. It also allows for grounding reflection on the personal experience. This, of course, gives me a solid base to become more creative. The wishy washy soft talk of Canadians about economic imprisonment can leave me and others quite befuddled.
Anyway, it is almost time and I can feel so strongly the urge to leave!
The crane was dancing this morning again. During the night sometime several more cubes arrived and all of them were rearranged. In the further distance one can now see that a whole new layer of cubes has been added to the prison, a little southwest of the rest of the building. Perhaps there is an entire new section going up. How big are sixteen hundred cubes when they are stacked up!?!
The bits and pieces for the Savannah trip are beginning to take shape. Mike and I are getting down to the wire, which means organizing things like travel insurance, lodging down and back, scheduling the nights that I will do workshops for Chatham Savannah Citizen Advocacy. On Tuesday I “acquired” two small painting kits with brushes and mini tubes of all the basic colours. These kits came inside of canvases that Laser Eagles had bought at a dollar store. They were going to be discarded because we use 2-litre size bottles of paint. I get a chuckle when I think about how often I have found significant resources by just such acquisition – from picking up garbaged furniture, to taking other people’s leftovers after a restaurant meal, to sorting through clothes that others are about to recycle. I wonder if I will post notices in the ROM exhibit of all the paintings that were created out of scrap materials. It might very well fit the theme!
Part of the kit that I was assembling today for Savannah is my medications for diabetes, pain support and nutrition (chewable vitamins and calcium). It’s kind of like gathering my armour for a battle. These create my sense of security and safety as much as knowing that there will be enough money. The last important $500 came in this morning with a commitment from Peter Block to hire me for one morning on the way down. It is like putting the last brick in the wall and I bless his generousity.
I believe this will be the sixth time that I have journeyed to Savannah. It forms a kind of rhythm in my life. Savannah is the place I go to to warm up, to eat well, to feel great with good friends, to see the Spanish moss and the pelicans and, perhaps most importantly, to become clear on what slavery does to human relationships and creativity. It was in Savannah that I learned that I am a slave. I learned this listening to a man present his book about how slavery has been recreated in the United States. The fundamental element of slavery is the buying and selling of a person’s body¸ especially without the permission of that person. Of course, people who are labelled with disability are bought and sold constantly and most often have very limited or no choice about their location. I myself cannot leave Ontario for more than five weeks in a year. This would not be considered a huge problem to most people who are labelled disabled, but since the majority of work I have been doing in my life has been outside of Canada, I have frequently been an outlaw. It used to be that people turned a blind eye on my behalf but that ended just before Gabor, Erin and I left for the Tour in 2008. Now I must be careful!
It is paradoxically refreshing to be in a place where people are polite but very explicit about the intention to keep racism and slavery alive and well. The clarity of the experience allows for genuine dialogue. It also allows for grounding reflection on the personal experience. This, of course, gives me a solid base to become more creative. The wishy washy soft talk of Canadians about economic imprisonment can leave me and others quite befuddled.
Anyway, it is almost time and I can feel so strongly the urge to leave!
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
February 1, 2011
Well I’m going to do one of those short cuts again. I am going to copy over an article that I wrote for Jay Klein’s class – University of Phoenix. It is a social work class, mostly done online, and my articles and comments on their discussion will be posted next week. This is probably the fourth time that I have done this class with Jay in this way.
Jay and I go back to the mid 80’s. As luck or life would have it Jay has run into many barriers in the university systems that he has been part of – three in all. This has brought him to building a partnership with some techno folks who happen to be interested both in Inclusion and in video games. It’s just possible that we are going to be able to mount a research project to study the impact of our video game on the inclusive behaviour of the players. All very academic, I know. It may however give me my chance – finally – to run the BMX Model of Inclusion through some real life experiences by real people to see if it’s useful as a descriptor and predictor of inclusive situations. If it IS then there is a real basis to build forward action from a solid researched base.
I know many who read this wouldn’t care that much. However, money tends to follow the researchers and studies are often used to back people who have a chance to make a real change. I think we deserve to have a chance at this kind of position, so I am going to continue to go for it.
Here is the article:
Hello
Some of you will already have a good sense of who I am, from the course materials, Google and/or You Tube. We will probably never meet in person and be a part of each other's real world. In a way I wish we could meet face-to-face so I would get to find out who you are and what you would really like to know from and about me. Just the same this is a wonderful way to have a dialogue from one country (Canada) to another. I am hopeful that you and I will get very engaged in this activity.
Here are my opening thoughts.
In our language we speak of relationships as if they were things we have, or don't have. We say things like: "I have a car, two cats and five relationships." In reality relationships are what we are. I am one person with my mother, a somewhat different person with my father, a very different person with my best friend, yet another different person with my boss, and so on. There is no "I" that exists alone - solitary. I am a being that is revealed in the context of other "I's".
We also speak about disability as if it were a thing. We say things like: "I have an apartment, a computer and a disability." This is just as misleading as saying I "have" relationships.
Disability is not real in a concrete sense. Disability can only exist where people have a social agreement about the way some people's bodies and/or minds exist in the world. In particular the culture "already knows" that there are ways that people should never be in their bodies, minds and emotions.
Anyone who knows someone well who has been labeled disabled has had the experience of the disability disappearing. That is, in certain environments and under some conditions the same person with the same abilities will go from seeming to be odd and needy to seeming to being very recognizable and capable. The same person suddenly is OK and "just like me really except a little different."
Creating a world where diversity is appreciated and fostered – creating Inclusion – is much more than doing and saying some things differently. Inclusion is a philosophy, a belief system. Inclusion is about having the world be a place where everyone's abilities matter and are built into everything that is happening in the social and economic community. In inclusive society everyone is a contributor. The whole range of ability is seen as capacity.
If we come to truly believe in Giftedness – that is that difference leads to opportunities that can benefit everyone – then we must notice that some actions and some language works against opportunity and participation and some support it. The language and actions related to the idea of disability work against Inclusiveness and Giftedness.
The good news is that we don’t need the concept of disability at all. With some work, self reflection, dialogue and change of action disability as a concept and as a practice can disappear.
When disability disappears it is because something about a person's usual and unusual differences has become a contribution to the social and economic network of relationships. When people experience that difference leads to capacity they welcome the broad range of skills and abilities that can occur among human beings.
This week the course invites you to look at diverse capacity as a natural part of being alive in relationship. People who have been labeled disabled bring both usual and unusual capacities to the networks of relationships that make up our communities.
Please watch the video, “Working with Judith Snow”. Please read the three attached articles: "Prologue and "The Story" (Prologue.pdf)", "Community Is Not A Place But A Way Of Life", (Community.pdf), and "Notes On The Gifts And Assets that People Who Are Vulnerable To Rejection Commonly Bring To Community" (Gifts.pdf, see below)." After absorbing these three please communicate your thoughts, reactions, questions, disagreements, and points of agreement via this threaded discussion.
Here are some suggestions to help start your discussion. You could discuss:
1) Your initial thoughts or reaction.
2) What made you feel good and what bothered you?
3) What is the message about the power of relationships and of language?
4) What is being expressed that is relevant to you and the work that you do?
5) What is the message of Inclusion?
6) What will you do differently after this week of study?
I am looking forward to interacting with you.
Have a great course.
Judith Snow
Gifts Document:
NOTES ON THE GIFTS AND ASSESTS
THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE VULNERABLE TO REJECTION
COMMONLY BRING TO COMMUNITY
Judith A. Snow, MA
January 2011
Hospitality
• making people feel happy
• listening
Grounding
• slowing people down, reorienting people to time and place
• leading people to appreciate simple things
• causing people to appreciate their own abilities
Skill Building
• pushing people to be better problem solvers
• causing people to try things they've never done before
• causing people to research things they never encountered before
• improving education
• improving technology
• modeling perseverance - being unstoppable
Networking
• reaching out to people and breaking down barriers
• asking questions that everyone else is too shy to ask
• bringing people together who otherwise would never meet
Economic
• providing jobs to people who want supplemental income, like artists
• providing jobs to people who need to work odd schedules like homemakers
• providing jobs to people who otherwise have few or no marketable skills
• filling odd niches
• providing a home, bringing people home
Emotional/Spiritual
• often modeling exemplary forgiveness
• offering opportunities to do something that clearly makes a difference
• reorienting values from accumulation to relationships
• making people more peaceful
Jay and I go back to the mid 80’s. As luck or life would have it Jay has run into many barriers in the university systems that he has been part of – three in all. This has brought him to building a partnership with some techno folks who happen to be interested both in Inclusion and in video games. It’s just possible that we are going to be able to mount a research project to study the impact of our video game on the inclusive behaviour of the players. All very academic, I know. It may however give me my chance – finally – to run the BMX Model of Inclusion through some real life experiences by real people to see if it’s useful as a descriptor and predictor of inclusive situations. If it IS then there is a real basis to build forward action from a solid researched base.
I know many who read this wouldn’t care that much. However, money tends to follow the researchers and studies are often used to back people who have a chance to make a real change. I think we deserve to have a chance at this kind of position, so I am going to continue to go for it.
Here is the article:
Hello
Some of you will already have a good sense of who I am, from the course materials, Google and/or You Tube. We will probably never meet in person and be a part of each other's real world. In a way I wish we could meet face-to-face so I would get to find out who you are and what you would really like to know from and about me. Just the same this is a wonderful way to have a dialogue from one country (Canada) to another. I am hopeful that you and I will get very engaged in this activity.
Here are my opening thoughts.
In our language we speak of relationships as if they were things we have, or don't have. We say things like: "I have a car, two cats and five relationships." In reality relationships are what we are. I am one person with my mother, a somewhat different person with my father, a very different person with my best friend, yet another different person with my boss, and so on. There is no "I" that exists alone - solitary. I am a being that is revealed in the context of other "I's".
We also speak about disability as if it were a thing. We say things like: "I have an apartment, a computer and a disability." This is just as misleading as saying I "have" relationships.
Disability is not real in a concrete sense. Disability can only exist where people have a social agreement about the way some people's bodies and/or minds exist in the world. In particular the culture "already knows" that there are ways that people should never be in their bodies, minds and emotions.
Anyone who knows someone well who has been labeled disabled has had the experience of the disability disappearing. That is, in certain environments and under some conditions the same person with the same abilities will go from seeming to be odd and needy to seeming to being very recognizable and capable. The same person suddenly is OK and "just like me really except a little different."
Creating a world where diversity is appreciated and fostered – creating Inclusion – is much more than doing and saying some things differently. Inclusion is a philosophy, a belief system. Inclusion is about having the world be a place where everyone's abilities matter and are built into everything that is happening in the social and economic community. In inclusive society everyone is a contributor. The whole range of ability is seen as capacity.
If we come to truly believe in Giftedness – that is that difference leads to opportunities that can benefit everyone – then we must notice that some actions and some language works against opportunity and participation and some support it. The language and actions related to the idea of disability work against Inclusiveness and Giftedness.
The good news is that we don’t need the concept of disability at all. With some work, self reflection, dialogue and change of action disability as a concept and as a practice can disappear.
When disability disappears it is because something about a person's usual and unusual differences has become a contribution to the social and economic network of relationships. When people experience that difference leads to capacity they welcome the broad range of skills and abilities that can occur among human beings.
This week the course invites you to look at diverse capacity as a natural part of being alive in relationship. People who have been labeled disabled bring both usual and unusual capacities to the networks of relationships that make up our communities.
Please watch the video, “Working with Judith Snow”. Please read the three attached articles: "Prologue and "The Story" (Prologue.pdf)", "Community Is Not A Place But A Way Of Life", (Community.pdf), and "Notes On The Gifts And Assets that People Who Are Vulnerable To Rejection Commonly Bring To Community" (Gifts.pdf, see below)." After absorbing these three please communicate your thoughts, reactions, questions, disagreements, and points of agreement via this threaded discussion.
Here are some suggestions to help start your discussion. You could discuss:
1) Your initial thoughts or reaction.
2) What made you feel good and what bothered you?
3) What is the message about the power of relationships and of language?
4) What is being expressed that is relevant to you and the work that you do?
5) What is the message of Inclusion?
6) What will you do differently after this week of study?
I am looking forward to interacting with you.
Have a great course.
Judith Snow
Gifts Document:
NOTES ON THE GIFTS AND ASSESTS
THAT PEOPLE WHO ARE VULNERABLE TO REJECTION
COMMONLY BRING TO COMMUNITY
Judith A. Snow, MA
January 2011
Hospitality
• making people feel happy
• listening
Grounding
• slowing people down, reorienting people to time and place
• leading people to appreciate simple things
• causing people to appreciate their own abilities
Skill Building
• pushing people to be better problem solvers
• causing people to try things they've never done before
• causing people to research things they never encountered before
• improving education
• improving technology
• modeling perseverance - being unstoppable
Networking
• reaching out to people and breaking down barriers
• asking questions that everyone else is too shy to ask
• bringing people together who otherwise would never meet
Economic
• providing jobs to people who want supplemental income, like artists
• providing jobs to people who need to work odd schedules like homemakers
• providing jobs to people who otherwise have few or no marketable skills
• filling odd niches
• providing a home, bringing people home
Emotional/Spiritual
• often modeling exemplary forgiveness
• offering opportunities to do something that clearly makes a difference
• reorienting values from accumulation to relationships
• making people more peaceful
Monday, January 31, 2011
January 31, 2011
Prison, Jen (massage!), sick Helen!, exploring, peace, confrontation, money.
Themes!
Mirages. Art!
Pain.
Teleconferences, change, sleeping tigers
I think I am going to figure out how to record these blogs instead of writing them. There is an entire talk forming in my head, and a reluctance to write. At the same time there is an article and a painting in there too. Gestation indeed.
Perhaps I am neither butterfly nor pelican. A hummingbird? That would be satisfactory!
Time to sleep.
Jen and I determined today that the pain is a message that I have collected so many credits for contributions made that my credit account is full, and that when my credit account is full I can know that I am ALLOWED to rest.
I am in a new dance. Something is emerging. So be it!
Themes!
Mirages. Art!
Pain.
Teleconferences, change, sleeping tigers
I think I am going to figure out how to record these blogs instead of writing them. There is an entire talk forming in my head, and a reluctance to write. At the same time there is an article and a painting in there too. Gestation indeed.
Perhaps I am neither butterfly nor pelican. A hummingbird? That would be satisfactory!
Time to sleep.
Jen and I determined today that the pain is a message that I have collected so many credits for contributions made that my credit account is full, and that when my credit account is full I can know that I am ALLOWED to rest.
I am in a new dance. Something is emerging. So be it!
Sunday, January 30, 2011
January 30, 2011
It’s probably going to be a short one tonight. Just about three quarters of an hour ago Helen texted that she’s sick and doesn’t want to work tomorrow. Nick and I spend the next 40 minutes sorting it out. Not bad really! But it means that it’s bedtime and this blog loses its fascination!!!
Just the same, it is important to CELEBRATE! We found the money. I am going to Savannah, although perhaps not for the full two weeks. We’ll see.
It was simple enough really. Today I sold the trailer to Rob and Michelle Comtois. Instead of coming to me it is going to Mike so that he can set up the travel arrangements and pay himself. With the amount of money that we have raised we can pay another personal assistant. The lodging is free until February 26, so we should be OK. If I am able to earn some more money somewhere, all the better. It will mean that we can stay for a few days into March and pay for an ocean view hotel on Tybee Island for a few days.
My intention is to finish the “Dirty Window” painting. Doing it in Toronto, one hour a week at a time, which is usually all the time I get at Laser Eagles these days, will not have it finished in time to make it a centre piece of the ROM exhibit. (It looks like it’s going to be scheduled for August.) In Savannah, I am hoping to finish it within the two week period and then begin to build other materials around it, like a story, some posters, and perhaps other paintings related in theme.
My though is that by making the prison assembly a central theme in my exhibit, I can create a dance between Inclusion from the “disability” perspective and Inclusion from other diversities and their gifts.
Mike and I had some intense conversations this last weekend. It is good! I am stretching to explain – with compassion I hope – not only what it takes to create Inclusion but also what it takes to be a creator of a concept which can shift the world. Of course, what do I know about shifting the world? However, I have some very solid experience about what doesn’t shift the world. In fact, this is something of a dilemma for me. I have a natural gift of what is not working, and this is very useful sorting out and leaving behind strategies that are less effective. However, it is not very engaging for partners in the work and also it doesn’t actually create a new direction.
On the other hand, I think I have been very creative around building new directions. I am just saying that I have to struggle with myself not to communicate too much negativity.
I am in a very different space than I was a month ago. Even then I was in a very different space from where I was at a month before that. It feels like acceleration – exponential growth. For heaven’s sake, Mike and I were using Fractal theory to describe a model of inclusion should look like. I haven’t even thought about fractals for 10 years and I have utterly forgotten the names of the terms that are relevant. Yet somehow it is as if all the powerful things that I have ever learned are congealing into one large attempt to put Inclusion on the map. So be it.
Just the same, it is important to CELEBRATE! We found the money. I am going to Savannah, although perhaps not for the full two weeks. We’ll see.
It was simple enough really. Today I sold the trailer to Rob and Michelle Comtois. Instead of coming to me it is going to Mike so that he can set up the travel arrangements and pay himself. With the amount of money that we have raised we can pay another personal assistant. The lodging is free until February 26, so we should be OK. If I am able to earn some more money somewhere, all the better. It will mean that we can stay for a few days into March and pay for an ocean view hotel on Tybee Island for a few days.
My intention is to finish the “Dirty Window” painting. Doing it in Toronto, one hour a week at a time, which is usually all the time I get at Laser Eagles these days, will not have it finished in time to make it a centre piece of the ROM exhibit. (It looks like it’s going to be scheduled for August.) In Savannah, I am hoping to finish it within the two week period and then begin to build other materials around it, like a story, some posters, and perhaps other paintings related in theme.
My though is that by making the prison assembly a central theme in my exhibit, I can create a dance between Inclusion from the “disability” perspective and Inclusion from other diversities and their gifts.
Mike and I had some intense conversations this last weekend. It is good! I am stretching to explain – with compassion I hope – not only what it takes to create Inclusion but also what it takes to be a creator of a concept which can shift the world. Of course, what do I know about shifting the world? However, I have some very solid experience about what doesn’t shift the world. In fact, this is something of a dilemma for me. I have a natural gift of what is not working, and this is very useful sorting out and leaving behind strategies that are less effective. However, it is not very engaging for partners in the work and also it doesn’t actually create a new direction.
On the other hand, I think I have been very creative around building new directions. I am just saying that I have to struggle with myself not to communicate too much negativity.
I am in a very different space than I was a month ago. Even then I was in a very different space from where I was at a month before that. It feels like acceleration – exponential growth. For heaven’s sake, Mike and I were using Fractal theory to describe a model of inclusion should look like. I haven’t even thought about fractals for 10 years and I have utterly forgotten the names of the terms that are relevant. Yet somehow it is as if all the powerful things that I have ever learned are congealing into one large attempt to put Inclusion on the map. So be it.
Saturday, January 29, 2011
January 29, 2011
Gloria had a fabulous idea today. She suggests that I take all the entries I have made about the cranes, cubes and the prison which is rising before me and make them into one article and publish it – somewhere like The Globe and Mail.
I will do this, but not tonight.
The doing of this is related in a number of ways. First on my mind is to develop the capacity to be calm, courageous and to celebrate life in the midst of all that is life destroying, horrible and disgusting. My automatic response is to ignore or run away. Truly I want to do neither. I want to be able to continue to look out my window, to be a watcher as my Mother was, and to celebrate the fabulous variety of insignificant events that continue to emerge moment by moment just outside my bedroom window. I want to continue to love living in this odd neighbourhood, so close to the lake, so “underdeveloped”, so human. I want to paint the emergence of life around me. I do not want to stop seeing and I do not want to have to go away. These are ways of the past that I have been able to rise above. This is my personal legacy – to be able to be where I am and be who I am whether or not I am afraid.
From another perspective it is too simplistic and fundamentally not true to say that this prison building is wrong. It is very much not what I would choose, but this is not the same thing as being wrong. There are many dynamics that bring about the global economy that result in Texan prisoners building cubes for Ontario prisoners to assemble and live in. I would prefer that people make different choices, and organize themselves differently in the awesome, largely unconscious, effort to work together around the planet. Just the same, although the results of this effort seem so contrary to life and its affirmation, still it is life and living people that are bringing it about. I do not understand and perhaps understanding is not an adequate response or approach. However, in my not understanding I can still appreciate the awesomeness of what is beyond me and my capacity to understand.
I have spent most of my life in a conscious choice to make a difference that I call Inclusion. I feel that this choice, this calling, is in some kind of coordination with the eternal impulse that brings life to the world – often called God. The rising presence of a massive prison in my backyard – rising night by night as I sleep or don’t sleep in my bed – can it be accidental? And even if it is accidental is it not something to which I can respond? What is before me at this time is to discover the response that I can make that forwards the conversation called Inclusion because that is who I am.
If I write my life with a large brush then it seems that Camphill fell through and my finances fell apart so that I might end up in this bedroom looking out this window at the very time when this prison is being assembled. Of course, I could say the same thing about other elements of my life – for example, that Gabor turned against me so that Mike would come to fill the empty position, or that I would have to turn to ODSP so that I would be in a clear position to choose powerfully how I accept or do not accept the next plan from ACF, or that I would contract a life threatening infection and have five doctors deal with it ineffectively so that I might end up lying and looking out this window for nine weeks. I am sure that many would say that I am far too full of myself to write such a major role into my life script.
On another topic, tomorrow is the day that I set to choose if I am leaving for Savannah, or not, on February 12. It seems that we are about $4000 short of what it would take to pay Mike and another assistant separately from the CILT based fund for my personal assistance. The value of doing it this way, besides keeping the peace among myself, CILT and the Ministry of Health, is that I would recoup a large part of the overspending of this account that has happened in the last seven months.
Unfortunately, no such amount of money is forthcoming for all the usual reasons. It is certainly not for lack of looking for it, although I’m sure there are sources that I have not discovered or touched. For the last six weeks I have kept a chart with happy faces and stars to reinforce my efforts to find money. The chart has helped. I am now more than likely going to earn enough money each month this year to be able to pay back some of the ongoing debt I am in, and to travel to some important engagements like the Conference for Global Transformation in May. Just the same, the money for Savannah is not there today. Of course, it may show up tomorrow. It would be awesome!
What would I do in Savannah? Paint “Dirty Window” and have it ready for the ROM exhibit. (This is the painting of the rising prison.) Catch up on what’s been happening with people who are struggling to be economically included in the most racist place I have ever been. Re-immerse myself in an explicitly Christian environment that somehow moves me deeply. Hang out with pelicans during the month before all the tourists invade. Speak to people about what I have learned and questioned in the two years since I last spent time with them. Enjoy the car ride down and back – a time that always allows me to pull my thoughts together. Eat fabulous southern grits and BBQ and other foods rarely encountered in the cooler north. There is so much more that I can hardly imagine that three or even five weeks wouldn’t pass by in a flash.
But it seems, at least tonight, that I am not meant to go. Seemings can be wrong. I sure hope this one is!
I will do this, but not tonight.
The doing of this is related in a number of ways. First on my mind is to develop the capacity to be calm, courageous and to celebrate life in the midst of all that is life destroying, horrible and disgusting. My automatic response is to ignore or run away. Truly I want to do neither. I want to be able to continue to look out my window, to be a watcher as my Mother was, and to celebrate the fabulous variety of insignificant events that continue to emerge moment by moment just outside my bedroom window. I want to continue to love living in this odd neighbourhood, so close to the lake, so “underdeveloped”, so human. I want to paint the emergence of life around me. I do not want to stop seeing and I do not want to have to go away. These are ways of the past that I have been able to rise above. This is my personal legacy – to be able to be where I am and be who I am whether or not I am afraid.
From another perspective it is too simplistic and fundamentally not true to say that this prison building is wrong. It is very much not what I would choose, but this is not the same thing as being wrong. There are many dynamics that bring about the global economy that result in Texan prisoners building cubes for Ontario prisoners to assemble and live in. I would prefer that people make different choices, and organize themselves differently in the awesome, largely unconscious, effort to work together around the planet. Just the same, although the results of this effort seem so contrary to life and its affirmation, still it is life and living people that are bringing it about. I do not understand and perhaps understanding is not an adequate response or approach. However, in my not understanding I can still appreciate the awesomeness of what is beyond me and my capacity to understand.
I have spent most of my life in a conscious choice to make a difference that I call Inclusion. I feel that this choice, this calling, is in some kind of coordination with the eternal impulse that brings life to the world – often called God. The rising presence of a massive prison in my backyard – rising night by night as I sleep or don’t sleep in my bed – can it be accidental? And even if it is accidental is it not something to which I can respond? What is before me at this time is to discover the response that I can make that forwards the conversation called Inclusion because that is who I am.
If I write my life with a large brush then it seems that Camphill fell through and my finances fell apart so that I might end up in this bedroom looking out this window at the very time when this prison is being assembled. Of course, I could say the same thing about other elements of my life – for example, that Gabor turned against me so that Mike would come to fill the empty position, or that I would have to turn to ODSP so that I would be in a clear position to choose powerfully how I accept or do not accept the next plan from ACF, or that I would contract a life threatening infection and have five doctors deal with it ineffectively so that I might end up lying and looking out this window for nine weeks. I am sure that many would say that I am far too full of myself to write such a major role into my life script.
On another topic, tomorrow is the day that I set to choose if I am leaving for Savannah, or not, on February 12. It seems that we are about $4000 short of what it would take to pay Mike and another assistant separately from the CILT based fund for my personal assistance. The value of doing it this way, besides keeping the peace among myself, CILT and the Ministry of Health, is that I would recoup a large part of the overspending of this account that has happened in the last seven months.
Unfortunately, no such amount of money is forthcoming for all the usual reasons. It is certainly not for lack of looking for it, although I’m sure there are sources that I have not discovered or touched. For the last six weeks I have kept a chart with happy faces and stars to reinforce my efforts to find money. The chart has helped. I am now more than likely going to earn enough money each month this year to be able to pay back some of the ongoing debt I am in, and to travel to some important engagements like the Conference for Global Transformation in May. Just the same, the money for Savannah is not there today. Of course, it may show up tomorrow. It would be awesome!
What would I do in Savannah? Paint “Dirty Window” and have it ready for the ROM exhibit. (This is the painting of the rising prison.) Catch up on what’s been happening with people who are struggling to be economically included in the most racist place I have ever been. Re-immerse myself in an explicitly Christian environment that somehow moves me deeply. Hang out with pelicans during the month before all the tourists invade. Speak to people about what I have learned and questioned in the two years since I last spent time with them. Enjoy the car ride down and back – a time that always allows me to pull my thoughts together. Eat fabulous southern grits and BBQ and other foods rarely encountered in the cooler north. There is so much more that I can hardly imagine that three or even five weeks wouldn’t pass by in a flash.
But it seems, at least tonight, that I am not meant to go. Seemings can be wrong. I sure hope this one is!
Friday, January 28, 2011
January 28, 2011
Well, I plugged away today, mostly while lying in bed, at finding the $5000 I still need to go to Savannah in two weeks. Some in my circle would say that this is my very problem – it is in my mind to look, not to have it come to me, and subtly I am pushing it away.
I listened to Trey Anthony’s Ted Toronto talk tonight. Her name has come up in my world a lot lately – we are both in the Second Story agenda. In the Degree of Freedom world we are separated by only two relationships – Helen to Jen to Trey. She has done a Ted talk. Do they pay people to do those talks I wondered?!?
I battle sometimes with my own reluctance to “push” myself. However, I have no reluctance to push Inclusion and apparently I am my own best example. So be it!
So I looked it up, found the Speaker’s Nomination form and applied. I got the e-mail back that says they received it. We’ll see.
The prison cube crane has been active – slowly – night and day for a few days now. The article in the Toronto Star seems to have sped things up. I wonder out loud with Helen how to stop the prison. I wonder to myself if I can return to just peacefully watching out my window, with no concern for the “value” of what I see – nonattachment. This “perfect” apartment has lost some of it’s sublimeness since I discovered the real nature of the gigantic blocks. I don’t want to have that rising feeling that I will have to move on to search again for my perfect home.
Of course the perfection or lack thereof are all inside of my own evaluation. The prison was always there – there have always been guns and drugs and crazed tenants in this building. The world is what it is! And so this is once again a great opportunity to create a gift out of this potential obstacle that has suddenly appeared before me.
I am so far behind on my e-mail it isn’t funny. Boredom and fundraising are the reasons. I want an adventure – a fun one – to legitimately be able to set up an automatic e-mail message that says: “I am out of town and will not be responding to my e-mail until… “
There has been nothing from the ROM or from ACF. Perhaps they will disappear – perhaps not. It wouldn’t be the first time that something or somebody occupied the depth of focus and energy that they have for roughly ten weeks only to vanish from centre stage. I feel like I am steeling myself for disappointment in several areas of my life.
Enthusiasm gone! Not the first time for that either. Fatigue. The doldrums. Apparently, according to a short video I saw today, it is a relatively new phenomenon to call such a state “depression” and to treat it medically. Others might call a shaman and do a ceremony for the whole “family” – me, Mike, Kimberley, Helen, Peter, Bill and Bill, Adlon, etc. Sounds like a mid-winter party to me!
I am making a promise to myself and my readers that I:
- will have something worth writing about by Monday – today is Friday;
- will catch up on e-mail by Monday.
I listened to Trey Anthony’s Ted Toronto talk tonight. Her name has come up in my world a lot lately – we are both in the Second Story agenda. In the Degree of Freedom world we are separated by only two relationships – Helen to Jen to Trey. She has done a Ted talk. Do they pay people to do those talks I wondered?!?
I battle sometimes with my own reluctance to “push” myself. However, I have no reluctance to push Inclusion and apparently I am my own best example. So be it!
So I looked it up, found the Speaker’s Nomination form and applied. I got the e-mail back that says they received it. We’ll see.
The prison cube crane has been active – slowly – night and day for a few days now. The article in the Toronto Star seems to have sped things up. I wonder out loud with Helen how to stop the prison. I wonder to myself if I can return to just peacefully watching out my window, with no concern for the “value” of what I see – nonattachment. This “perfect” apartment has lost some of it’s sublimeness since I discovered the real nature of the gigantic blocks. I don’t want to have that rising feeling that I will have to move on to search again for my perfect home.
Of course the perfection or lack thereof are all inside of my own evaluation. The prison was always there – there have always been guns and drugs and crazed tenants in this building. The world is what it is! And so this is once again a great opportunity to create a gift out of this potential obstacle that has suddenly appeared before me.
I am so far behind on my e-mail it isn’t funny. Boredom and fundraising are the reasons. I want an adventure – a fun one – to legitimately be able to set up an automatic e-mail message that says: “I am out of town and will not be responding to my e-mail until… “
There has been nothing from the ROM or from ACF. Perhaps they will disappear – perhaps not. It wouldn’t be the first time that something or somebody occupied the depth of focus and energy that they have for roughly ten weeks only to vanish from centre stage. I feel like I am steeling myself for disappointment in several areas of my life.
Enthusiasm gone! Not the first time for that either. Fatigue. The doldrums. Apparently, according to a short video I saw today, it is a relatively new phenomenon to call such a state “depression” and to treat it medically. Others might call a shaman and do a ceremony for the whole “family” – me, Mike, Kimberley, Helen, Peter, Bill and Bill, Adlon, etc. Sounds like a mid-winter party to me!
I am making a promise to myself and my readers that I:
- will have something worth writing about by Monday – today is Friday;
- will catch up on e-mail by Monday.
Thursday, January 27, 2011
January 27, 2011
Now and then life throws something that can make one (me!) laugh.
If you are a regular reader you know I have been in a tizzy about how to respond to ACF when the ED offers me something. I don’t know what she might offer but, since I have had 2 meetings with her, one with Mike, she has asked for a proposal (and received it!), and then Mike and I were at both consultations on Tuesday whereat she said she would get back to me, I think it safe to think there WILL be an offer of some sort.
The “problem” has been that I have not been thrilled with what she wants me to do. It certainly looks light straightforward advocacy – she calls it campaigning. I see advocacy as part of the trap that keeps people in the M world, with no other identity except as a disabled service users. I have been at work to put Peace through Inclusion into real time and space in the world, as opposed to a nice idea. It will be no small feat if I/we pull it off because not many are willing to believe that World Peace is possible. I now feel that it is to go way off track to be doing advocacy.
Conversations with Shirl Edwards, Martha Leary and this morning on the “money call” led by Gary Menezes and with 4 others have expanded my point of view.
With Shirl it was mostly about realizing that M is everywhere, all the time anyway so working from ANY position still has power. With Martha I realized that there are many leaders among people who do not speak, and that to give them a chance to advocate is something some of them highly desire.
This morning I asked Gary to say something about negotiation and this sparked a rich discussion indeed. Hence the space to laugh.
The first step he explained is to be clear what the alternative is to the outcome you (me) are negotiating. In my case my alternative is clearly something I value a lot. For example, I have:
- freedom to not work
- freedom to engage a large network in resourcing me and my vision
- freedom to work on developing new concepts and strategies for Inclusion
- freedom to relate to whomever I please who wants to relate to me
- time and energy to support the development of promising others, like Mike and Kimberley
- evidence that I can be trusted that will be accepted by marginalized people
- large repair, replacement and medication costs covered
I also have an ongoing struggle to sustain enough income without disrupting the ODSP benefit.
Then Gary explained that if the offer is not as attractive as your real alternative you are negotiating to enhance a partnership, and you can ask for enhancements of the deal. It is important to get clear what your (my) value is to your potential partner so you can be clear what it is you have to offer. Look for what they see or could see as your (my) assets, which may actually be hidden to you (me!)
This last part is also particularly true when the potential offer is clearly better than your (my) current situation. This situation is like getting a job, and assets can be like you are relieving your potential employer of the trouble of doing it him/herself, you are improving the ambiance of the workspace, you can work at home and don’t need an office, etc. In my case the ED really enjoys that I am creative, straight and will argue with her!
This morning’s tutorial lifted my anxiety big time, and gave me considerable power when I was meeting this afternoon with a man who is arguing with his support staff. To cut a long story short I increased my income today with a small contract, doing work I love to do, and had NO trouble saying I expect to get paid!
A new day has dawned indeed!
On another note, Helen and I located the prison under construction, drove by and took a picture. Here it isǃ
If you are a regular reader you know I have been in a tizzy about how to respond to ACF when the ED offers me something. I don’t know what she might offer but, since I have had 2 meetings with her, one with Mike, she has asked for a proposal (and received it!), and then Mike and I were at both consultations on Tuesday whereat she said she would get back to me, I think it safe to think there WILL be an offer of some sort.
The “problem” has been that I have not been thrilled with what she wants me to do. It certainly looks light straightforward advocacy – she calls it campaigning. I see advocacy as part of the trap that keeps people in the M world, with no other identity except as a disabled service users. I have been at work to put Peace through Inclusion into real time and space in the world, as opposed to a nice idea. It will be no small feat if I/we pull it off because not many are willing to believe that World Peace is possible. I now feel that it is to go way off track to be doing advocacy.
Conversations with Shirl Edwards, Martha Leary and this morning on the “money call” led by Gary Menezes and with 4 others have expanded my point of view.
With Shirl it was mostly about realizing that M is everywhere, all the time anyway so working from ANY position still has power. With Martha I realized that there are many leaders among people who do not speak, and that to give them a chance to advocate is something some of them highly desire.
This morning I asked Gary to say something about negotiation and this sparked a rich discussion indeed. Hence the space to laugh.
The first step he explained is to be clear what the alternative is to the outcome you (me) are negotiating. In my case my alternative is clearly something I value a lot. For example, I have:
- freedom to not work
- freedom to engage a large network in resourcing me and my vision
- freedom to work on developing new concepts and strategies for Inclusion
- freedom to relate to whomever I please who wants to relate to me
- time and energy to support the development of promising others, like Mike and Kimberley
- evidence that I can be trusted that will be accepted by marginalized people
- large repair, replacement and medication costs covered
I also have an ongoing struggle to sustain enough income without disrupting the ODSP benefit.
Then Gary explained that if the offer is not as attractive as your real alternative you are negotiating to enhance a partnership, and you can ask for enhancements of the deal. It is important to get clear what your (my) value is to your potential partner so you can be clear what it is you have to offer. Look for what they see or could see as your (my) assets, which may actually be hidden to you (me!)
This last part is also particularly true when the potential offer is clearly better than your (my) current situation. This situation is like getting a job, and assets can be like you are relieving your potential employer of the trouble of doing it him/herself, you are improving the ambiance of the workspace, you can work at home and don’t need an office, etc. In my case the ED really enjoys that I am creative, straight and will argue with her!
This morning’s tutorial lifted my anxiety big time, and gave me considerable power when I was meeting this afternoon with a man who is arguing with his support staff. To cut a long story short I increased my income today with a small contract, doing work I love to do, and had NO trouble saying I expect to get paid!
A new day has dawned indeed!
On another note, Helen and I located the prison under construction, drove by and took a picture. Here it isǃ
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
January 25, 2011
I apologize to readers. Last night I forgot to blog! Just plain forgot until I was already in bed.
In some ways, since I blogged about the prison cells collected outside my window, I have lived a rather drunk, rather surreal life. Not literally drunk – I have had no alcohol and very little Morphine. Rather I have thrown my hat thoroughly into Cycle 3 and now it is simply unfolding. With this come demands – on my time, listening, focus, energy, stamina, words. There are demands from my assistants, ACF, ODSP, the Marsha Forest Centre, the Wisdom City Team, from my circle, my body, Father, WPIT, e-mail, Laser Eagles, the ROM?, the Book of Judith. I am not complaining – just spinning!
It all stems from taking myself seriously – perhaps way too seriously. I continue to imagine that I can transform the world by transforming how diversity is valued and included. Mike and I saw “The King’s Speech” again tonight, and though I waiver between whether I am more like George or Lionel I know (as in KNOW) I have an essential part in a drama much bigger than myself. Everything speaks to me as a potential means of finding a pathway to peace through Inclusion so I can turn down very little these days. That, and the ongoing search for $$’s, keeps prodding me on.
This morning Mike and I met with ACF and their poverty reduction champions and this afternoon with old and new members of the ACF Board and the Inclusion Circle. In all we met for over six hours. Mike was still raring to go after it all, but I was exhausted. For me the morning was mainly about listening, and listening to mainly whining, grieving and nostalgia for days when organizing seemed clearer. Listening took place on top of my own weary concern with feeling like once again I am being drawn into strategies that don’t work,
In the afternoon I felt the need to speak up about how it seems that ACF has not implemented the Inclusion Task Force recommendations. That and other people’s stuff led to a much livelier energy. However, at the end of the day (literally), it still remains in the hands of others to decide when, who and for what end this process will continue.
Going into the movie I lined up behind a young woman who is familiar to me from the Wisdom Course. Coming out we ran into a woman and her friend/supporter, both of whom were active twenty-five years ago in some committee or other that I was part of, probably the Ontario Advocacy Coalition. I felt that a certain element of safety and familiarity was added back into my day. In particular the woman who has a long term cognitive difference after a brain haemorrhage that she had in 1970 brought back the joyful sense that life is to be celebrated. She is just the sort of person I want to bring to lunch with ACF – Mary Lou, Miriam, Chloe, Greg and Felicia – the people who show me over and over again that it is way more effective in the end to stop trying to fix everything, and to enjoy the food, the company and the movie.
Speaking of lunch, I had the best roast beef sandwich I think I have ever had in my life. I could chew and swallow every bite, and I ate the WHOLE thing.
In some ways, since I blogged about the prison cells collected outside my window, I have lived a rather drunk, rather surreal life. Not literally drunk – I have had no alcohol and very little Morphine. Rather I have thrown my hat thoroughly into Cycle 3 and now it is simply unfolding. With this come demands – on my time, listening, focus, energy, stamina, words. There are demands from my assistants, ACF, ODSP, the Marsha Forest Centre, the Wisdom City Team, from my circle, my body, Father, WPIT, e-mail, Laser Eagles, the ROM?, the Book of Judith. I am not complaining – just spinning!
It all stems from taking myself seriously – perhaps way too seriously. I continue to imagine that I can transform the world by transforming how diversity is valued and included. Mike and I saw “The King’s Speech” again tonight, and though I waiver between whether I am more like George or Lionel I know (as in KNOW) I have an essential part in a drama much bigger than myself. Everything speaks to me as a potential means of finding a pathway to peace through Inclusion so I can turn down very little these days. That, and the ongoing search for $$’s, keeps prodding me on.
This morning Mike and I met with ACF and their poverty reduction champions and this afternoon with old and new members of the ACF Board and the Inclusion Circle. In all we met for over six hours. Mike was still raring to go after it all, but I was exhausted. For me the morning was mainly about listening, and listening to mainly whining, grieving and nostalgia for days when organizing seemed clearer. Listening took place on top of my own weary concern with feeling like once again I am being drawn into strategies that don’t work,
In the afternoon I felt the need to speak up about how it seems that ACF has not implemented the Inclusion Task Force recommendations. That and other people’s stuff led to a much livelier energy. However, at the end of the day (literally), it still remains in the hands of others to decide when, who and for what end this process will continue.
Going into the movie I lined up behind a young woman who is familiar to me from the Wisdom Course. Coming out we ran into a woman and her friend/supporter, both of whom were active twenty-five years ago in some committee or other that I was part of, probably the Ontario Advocacy Coalition. I felt that a certain element of safety and familiarity was added back into my day. In particular the woman who has a long term cognitive difference after a brain haemorrhage that she had in 1970 brought back the joyful sense that life is to be celebrated. She is just the sort of person I want to bring to lunch with ACF – Mary Lou, Miriam, Chloe, Greg and Felicia – the people who show me over and over again that it is way more effective in the end to stop trying to fix everything, and to enjoy the food, the company and the movie.
Speaking of lunch, I had the best roast beef sandwich I think I have ever had in my life. I could chew and swallow every bite, and I ate the WHOLE thing.
Saturday, January 22, 2011
January 22, 2011
I am about to prepare the proposal that I will put before the ED of the Atkinson Charitable Foundation (ACF). I recognize that I have a highly emotional response to her request of me. Clearly I am reactivated (or stuck) at more than one level! So, I thought that I would use this blog – this expression vehicle – as a way of writing her a personal letter. Then I could write her the straightforward proposal. I can also suggest that, if she is interested, she read the blog, although that seems pretty risky at the moment. Of course it couldn’t seem so risky if I didn’t feel that much depends on how my working relationship with her turns out, and what each of us is able to accomplish by working together.
I am sure that this is just the sort of thing that Gloria wants me to face and transform in the context of. She is always saying I can’t give anything away, as in permitting others to run with the ball after I have set a direction. I don’t think this is true but I do recognize that I am not the best judge! So these are the words I would say to the new ED who is curious about me, maybe even hopeful about me, and who holds the key to what my next project will look like, perhaps.
Dearest O,
(It always seems that such letters start with “Dear” or “Dearest”)
I have been struggling with how to frame a project to put before you by Monday morning. Saturday evening is about to arrive and I only have the barest outline in my head. I am frustrated, angry and hopeful. I am trained enough to know that I’m not really responding to you, but to a series of former relationships and opportunities both lost and fulfilled which have shaped my life, my understanding of Inclusion and my current “mission” in life. It seems to me that you are interested and that you hold a key to potential progress. However, both my sense of what is a key and what progress is leave me with a feeling that you have undue power over me at this moment. I am reacting to my own “helpless identity” in the face of your “power”.
In the eyes of the world, you are black and I am crippled. We spoke euphemistically about these realities last Wednesday. I explained to you that my relationship to this point with Atkinson has been as a “window washer” – in other words, my circumstances have lead me to a certain kind of work in the world and consequently people imagine both that this is the kind of work I want to do and also that it is the only thing I’m good for. Accordingly, when people want to include me, support me and/or honour me, they offer me another window to wash. This is exactly what I FEEL like you are doing now.
I have been so tempted to ask you if you would like to make some pancakes.
Specifically, I stopped wanting to be an advocate in approximately 1991. I took it up again in order to support the Individualized Funding Coalition of Ontario. In 2004 we were offered an opportunity to “consult” with the Deputy Minister of the Ministry of Community and Social Services in Ontario. I participated fully! I did so because, even though I figured there was very little chance that the work would lead to real policy change, I felt that there needed to be as good as possible a document that recorded for history the benefits of individually supported community participation for people who are labelled with developmental disability.
It is nearly impossible, as you know I am sure, for people to build full participation with minimal resources, including some that are illegally established. Secondly, this power is further diminished by the intense bureaucratic overlay that comes with these resources. Add to this the intensely inadequate capacity to do good research when all that is available to do the work are volunteers, no control group, no standard definition of anything, and tight deadlines to come up with data and analysis. In spite of this, the IFCO managed to produce two reports that each had “eyeball” significance. In other words, you could see by just looking at the data that there are huge differences in how people who have individualized supports participate in their communities versus people who have agency support.
Shortly after we produced this data, the Finance Ministry of the Province of Ontario shut that Deputy Minister down, had him reassigned, and put in place an ineffective puppet. All evidence that the government might move towards individualized support for people who are labelled with developmental disability disappeared overnight.
The hidden consequence of all this, at least hidden to the Ministry, the bureaucrats and well meaning people such as yourself is that the people themselves who are labelled lose at every step of this process. First of all, they lose relationship with their parents and caregivers as these people exhaust themselves with extra work, and the process of being drawn into defining their loved one as a needy disabled person. Secondly, they lose the opportunities that disappear while their caregivers are busy doing other things rather than going out to the library, the park, a volunteer job somewhere, church, etc. etc. Finally, as the bureaucrats dash the hopes of the advocates and burn them out, they lose the energy and commitment of their parents and caregivers – the main source of support in their lives. How many people end up in a worse situation and in group homes just because their parents became advocates and then burnt out? I have no idea what the number is but I am sure that it is not small.
I was not, I believe, turned into a cynic by this defeat, not just because I was expecting defeat but because I knew that people could not be satisfied unless they had tried, and try we did. My intention was to support the effort as best as I could, not imagine that we were somehow going to buck the bureaucracy and actually make a change. At the same time I very much intended to never pick up the banner of advocacy again!
Lo and behold one should never say never! Here comes a very energetic, intelligent and passionate ED who is more than willing to make pancakes. Who am I to say that she is not correct? History has funny turns and I am not the one to say that this is not the time in history when a new voice and new energy might actually shift the social perception of people who have been labelled developmentally disabled.
You remind me so much of an energetic and passionate woman that I met in 1978 who turned my life, and many people’s lives, around. I hated her for a good six months before I fell in love with her and proceeded to do anything she asked of me because somehow around her things really worked out. For example, although we are far from having genuine Inclusive education in Ontario, the bureaucrats have never been able to kill it either, and that has a lot to do with Marsha Forest, who so inspired and so kicked butt that her influence continues 11 years after her death from breast cancer. I can only hope to have such power as Marsha had.
So, you say, it is time to gather the advocates and to have them start talking to each other and to have them begin to create a common identity and a common approach. Do you know that that is exactly what Marsha inspired in our city in 1980 to support our powerful engagement with the system during 1981, the International Year of the Disabled Person? The impact of that conference reverberates to this day in small but fundamental ways.
I can hear Marsha’s voice saying quit your bitching and get writing. This is an opportunity not to be missed.
Alright then – Let’s get on with it! Where’s that pancake recipe?
I am sure that this is just the sort of thing that Gloria wants me to face and transform in the context of. She is always saying I can’t give anything away, as in permitting others to run with the ball after I have set a direction. I don’t think this is true but I do recognize that I am not the best judge! So these are the words I would say to the new ED who is curious about me, maybe even hopeful about me, and who holds the key to what my next project will look like, perhaps.
Dearest O,
(It always seems that such letters start with “Dear” or “Dearest”)
I have been struggling with how to frame a project to put before you by Monday morning. Saturday evening is about to arrive and I only have the barest outline in my head. I am frustrated, angry and hopeful. I am trained enough to know that I’m not really responding to you, but to a series of former relationships and opportunities both lost and fulfilled which have shaped my life, my understanding of Inclusion and my current “mission” in life. It seems to me that you are interested and that you hold a key to potential progress. However, both my sense of what is a key and what progress is leave me with a feeling that you have undue power over me at this moment. I am reacting to my own “helpless identity” in the face of your “power”.
In the eyes of the world, you are black and I am crippled. We spoke euphemistically about these realities last Wednesday. I explained to you that my relationship to this point with Atkinson has been as a “window washer” – in other words, my circumstances have lead me to a certain kind of work in the world and consequently people imagine both that this is the kind of work I want to do and also that it is the only thing I’m good for. Accordingly, when people want to include me, support me and/or honour me, they offer me another window to wash. This is exactly what I FEEL like you are doing now.
I have been so tempted to ask you if you would like to make some pancakes.
Specifically, I stopped wanting to be an advocate in approximately 1991. I took it up again in order to support the Individualized Funding Coalition of Ontario. In 2004 we were offered an opportunity to “consult” with the Deputy Minister of the Ministry of Community and Social Services in Ontario. I participated fully! I did so because, even though I figured there was very little chance that the work would lead to real policy change, I felt that there needed to be as good as possible a document that recorded for history the benefits of individually supported community participation for people who are labelled with developmental disability.
It is nearly impossible, as you know I am sure, for people to build full participation with minimal resources, including some that are illegally established. Secondly, this power is further diminished by the intense bureaucratic overlay that comes with these resources. Add to this the intensely inadequate capacity to do good research when all that is available to do the work are volunteers, no control group, no standard definition of anything, and tight deadlines to come up with data and analysis. In spite of this, the IFCO managed to produce two reports that each had “eyeball” significance. In other words, you could see by just looking at the data that there are huge differences in how people who have individualized supports participate in their communities versus people who have agency support.
Shortly after we produced this data, the Finance Ministry of the Province of Ontario shut that Deputy Minister down, had him reassigned, and put in place an ineffective puppet. All evidence that the government might move towards individualized support for people who are labelled with developmental disability disappeared overnight.
The hidden consequence of all this, at least hidden to the Ministry, the bureaucrats and well meaning people such as yourself is that the people themselves who are labelled lose at every step of this process. First of all, they lose relationship with their parents and caregivers as these people exhaust themselves with extra work, and the process of being drawn into defining their loved one as a needy disabled person. Secondly, they lose the opportunities that disappear while their caregivers are busy doing other things rather than going out to the library, the park, a volunteer job somewhere, church, etc. etc. Finally, as the bureaucrats dash the hopes of the advocates and burn them out, they lose the energy and commitment of their parents and caregivers – the main source of support in their lives. How many people end up in a worse situation and in group homes just because their parents became advocates and then burnt out? I have no idea what the number is but I am sure that it is not small.
I was not, I believe, turned into a cynic by this defeat, not just because I was expecting defeat but because I knew that people could not be satisfied unless they had tried, and try we did. My intention was to support the effort as best as I could, not imagine that we were somehow going to buck the bureaucracy and actually make a change. At the same time I very much intended to never pick up the banner of advocacy again!
Lo and behold one should never say never! Here comes a very energetic, intelligent and passionate ED who is more than willing to make pancakes. Who am I to say that she is not correct? History has funny turns and I am not the one to say that this is not the time in history when a new voice and new energy might actually shift the social perception of people who have been labelled developmentally disabled.
You remind me so much of an energetic and passionate woman that I met in 1978 who turned my life, and many people’s lives, around. I hated her for a good six months before I fell in love with her and proceeded to do anything she asked of me because somehow around her things really worked out. For example, although we are far from having genuine Inclusive education in Ontario, the bureaucrats have never been able to kill it either, and that has a lot to do with Marsha Forest, who so inspired and so kicked butt that her influence continues 11 years after her death from breast cancer. I can only hope to have such power as Marsha had.
So, you say, it is time to gather the advocates and to have them start talking to each other and to have them begin to create a common identity and a common approach. Do you know that that is exactly what Marsha inspired in our city in 1980 to support our powerful engagement with the system during 1981, the International Year of the Disabled Person? The impact of that conference reverberates to this day in small but fundamental ways.
I can hear Marsha’s voice saying quit your bitching and get writing. This is an opportunity not to be missed.
Alright then – Let’s get on with it! Where’s that pancake recipe?
Wednesday, January 19, 2011
January 19, 2011
The awaited meeting with the ED of Atkinson Charitable Foundation happened this morning. I was able to organize that Mike Skubic was with me and, much to the ED’s amazement, he and his work on the inclusive video games was very exciting to her. It turns out that she has encountered the Zombie Walk movement, and the whole idea that zombies could be a vehicle for experiencing and teaching Inclusion was a welcome eye-popper. I was a little bit jealous. My whole stuff around the BMX Model of Inclusion is way more serious, significant and unfun!
Afterward, Mike and I had lunch and considered deeply her request. Fundamentally, she is offering both of us a partnership, and some space to invent what that partnership will look like. I am sure I don’t fully understand what she is offering or what her request is. By the end of the meeting I was struggling a bit to shift gears and so lost track of some of what she was saying. Basically, I have been working hard in a certain direction for the last few months and had not seriously considered Atkinson as a "playground". I am more than willing, even thrilled, to work with Atkinson. It's just unexpected!
I am hoping that because of this I can use the BMX Model to work with members of the Inclusion Circle, the Community Advocates that Atkinson funds, the ED herself, and any Atkinson Board members who wish to participate. I want them to describe their personal and organizational situations and issues and to describe strategies they might like to use to move forward.
After, say, six months we could collect the stories and thoughts and together look at where the model is and isn't useful. This will help to tighten up the model or debunk it if it is genuinely useless. Lastly, it might (FINALLY) create a way to connect with the work being done around the Canadian Index of Wellbeing - a result I have been trying to achieve for about three years!!!!
I am thankful to Mike for pushing me beyond my own cynicism. Atkinson has done very little with the Inclusion Circle, and neither did the Laidlaw Foundation before that. It seemed to me that advising these philanthropic organizations created the same kind of exclusion that advocacy does, i.e. it’s just another by-product of M. So my first reaction to her enthusiasm was to get confused and wonder what the heck I could do that would make any difference to what I am entrusted in. By the end of lunch a pathway was much clearer.
By the way, the work of the last week has required me (and us) to articulate the BMX Model more succinctly so here it is:
The BMX Model of Inclusion was created by Judith Snow, WPIT, www.judithsnow.org. It is designed to succinctly capture the multitude of circumstances that people call Inclusion. Its elements are “B” (for Basic), “M” (for Mechanical), and “X” (for Crossover).
At a most Basic level, a country or community allows a group to coexist, but no other changes are offered or made for the group. In the “M” or Mechanical state, the community is willing to make accommodations for the included group—examples might be ESL classes, job training, etc. In the third, Crossover state, both the community and the included recognize that their world benefits from the gifts and contributions of everyone. The perception fades that there are two sides and a distinct boundary. Any human difference can be looked at this way.
The model is useful for more than description. Communities and individuals can use it as a way of analyzing their situations and determining powerful strategies for finding better placement as participants and contributors in their society.
So, yet again, I have a new departure. Like Gloria, I worry that this is an utter waste of time. However, I think I must try this, because after all, supporting and rescuing people one person at a time is just another way of ensuring that basic change never happens.
I am not saying that I know how to make the basic transformation of society happen. I am saying that I am willing and able to keep looking for that way.
Afterward, Mike and I had lunch and considered deeply her request. Fundamentally, she is offering both of us a partnership, and some space to invent what that partnership will look like. I am sure I don’t fully understand what she is offering or what her request is. By the end of the meeting I was struggling a bit to shift gears and so lost track of some of what she was saying. Basically, I have been working hard in a certain direction for the last few months and had not seriously considered Atkinson as a "playground". I am more than willing, even thrilled, to work with Atkinson. It's just unexpected!
I am hoping that because of this I can use the BMX Model to work with members of the Inclusion Circle, the Community Advocates that Atkinson funds, the ED herself, and any Atkinson Board members who wish to participate. I want them to describe their personal and organizational situations and issues and to describe strategies they might like to use to move forward.
After, say, six months we could collect the stories and thoughts and together look at where the model is and isn't useful. This will help to tighten up the model or debunk it if it is genuinely useless. Lastly, it might (FINALLY) create a way to connect with the work being done around the Canadian Index of Wellbeing - a result I have been trying to achieve for about three years!!!!
I am thankful to Mike for pushing me beyond my own cynicism. Atkinson has done very little with the Inclusion Circle, and neither did the Laidlaw Foundation before that. It seemed to me that advising these philanthropic organizations created the same kind of exclusion that advocacy does, i.e. it’s just another by-product of M. So my first reaction to her enthusiasm was to get confused and wonder what the heck I could do that would make any difference to what I am entrusted in. By the end of lunch a pathway was much clearer.
By the way, the work of the last week has required me (and us) to articulate the BMX Model more succinctly so here it is:
The BMX Model of Inclusion was created by Judith Snow, WPIT, www.judithsnow.org. It is designed to succinctly capture the multitude of circumstances that people call Inclusion. Its elements are “B” (for Basic), “M” (for Mechanical), and “X” (for Crossover).
At a most Basic level, a country or community allows a group to coexist, but no other changes are offered or made for the group. In the “M” or Mechanical state, the community is willing to make accommodations for the included group—examples might be ESL classes, job training, etc. In the third, Crossover state, both the community and the included recognize that their world benefits from the gifts and contributions of everyone. The perception fades that there are two sides and a distinct boundary. Any human difference can be looked at this way.
The model is useful for more than description. Communities and individuals can use it as a way of analyzing their situations and determining powerful strategies for finding better placement as participants and contributors in their society.
So, yet again, I have a new departure. Like Gloria, I worry that this is an utter waste of time. However, I think I must try this, because after all, supporting and rescuing people one person at a time is just another way of ensuring that basic change never happens.
I am not saying that I know how to make the basic transformation of society happen. I am saying that I am willing and able to keep looking for that way.
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