Well, I plugged away today, mostly while lying in bed, at finding the $5000 I still need to go to Savannah in two weeks. Some in my circle would say that this is my very problem – it is in my mind to look, not to have it come to me, and subtly I am pushing it away.
I listened to Trey Anthony’s Ted Toronto talk tonight. Her name has come up in my world a lot lately – we are both in the Second Story agenda. In the Degree of Freedom world we are separated by only two relationships – Helen to Jen to Trey. She has done a Ted talk. Do they pay people to do those talks I wondered?!?
I battle sometimes with my own reluctance to “push” myself. However, I have no reluctance to push Inclusion and apparently I am my own best example. So be it!
So I looked it up, found the Speaker’s Nomination form and applied. I got the e-mail back that says they received it. We’ll see.
The prison cube crane has been active – slowly – night and day for a few days now. The article in the Toronto Star seems to have sped things up. I wonder out loud with Helen how to stop the prison. I wonder to myself if I can return to just peacefully watching out my window, with no concern for the “value” of what I see – nonattachment. This “perfect” apartment has lost some of it’s sublimeness since I discovered the real nature of the gigantic blocks. I don’t want to have that rising feeling that I will have to move on to search again for my perfect home.
Of course the perfection or lack thereof are all inside of my own evaluation. The prison was always there – there have always been guns and drugs and crazed tenants in this building. The world is what it is! And so this is once again a great opportunity to create a gift out of this potential obstacle that has suddenly appeared before me.
I am so far behind on my e-mail it isn’t funny. Boredom and fundraising are the reasons. I want an adventure – a fun one – to legitimately be able to set up an automatic e-mail message that says: “I am out of town and will not be responding to my e-mail until… “
There has been nothing from the ROM or from ACF. Perhaps they will disappear – perhaps not. It wouldn’t be the first time that something or somebody occupied the depth of focus and energy that they have for roughly ten weeks only to vanish from centre stage. I feel like I am steeling myself for disappointment in several areas of my life.
Enthusiasm gone! Not the first time for that either. Fatigue. The doldrums. Apparently, according to a short video I saw today, it is a relatively new phenomenon to call such a state “depression” and to treat it medically. Others might call a shaman and do a ceremony for the whole “family” – me, Mike, Kimberley, Helen, Peter, Bill and Bill, Adlon, etc. Sounds like a mid-winter party to me!
I am making a promise to myself and my readers that I:
- will have something worth writing about by Monday – today is Friday;
- will catch up on e-mail by Monday.
Showing posts with label integrity. Show all posts
Showing posts with label integrity. Show all posts
Friday, January 28, 2011
Friday, January 14, 2011
January 14, 2011
I have a sense that no one is reading this anymore.
When I first started people were hanging onto every entry. I suppose the drama of whether or not I would recover was compelling. Then, of course, I signed off, not imagining that I might want to get going again so soon – three days later. How does one tell the departed to return?
Also when I started these writings it was not my intention to write for readers. I was writing to explore pure expression. It didn’t stay – clearly can’t stay – purely expression without some attention to the response of others. The response occurs in my own voice even when no other person is writing or speaking to me about these posts. Then again, if I truly intended no response why use a blog as a vehicle?
Gradually I have come to want to write about some things and not others. A desire for privacy? Feeling complete? Fatigue? Less urgency as my health returns and the pain diminishes? All are factors in my growing self edits.
We have passed the Epiphany and are now in Ordinary Time, according to the church calendar. Mundane concerns dominate my calendar, my day. Groceries, money, laundry, debts, housekeeping, scheduling, business plans, amusements, the neighbours. A shorter horizon indeed.
At the same time miracles are still happening. I caught myself NOT thinking that I might be dying today. This, for me, is a genuine break with the past – a breakthrough in Landmark language.
The past several days have been jammed packed with real and imagined commitments and appointments. This has led to insufficient eating and fluid intake, and yesterday the inevitable constipation set in even though I took care to drink more. Consequently, I awoke in pain three times last night, and I was also cold, requiring an extra blanket.
I have been learning from and through Jen how to shift the pain experience and so I was able to go back to sleep all three times and even slept to 7:45am – an hour and a half longer than usual. But more than that, today I realized that I wasn’t thinking all last night and this morning that I was getting sick AGAIN, that possibly I was dying. I was just thinking that my management strategies had broken down – too much bread and not enough water – and that I had better get on track or use stronger measures.
And then the flax oil, juice and vegetables of late yesterday and this morning kicked in, and all systems are go again.
Apparently I am off and running for a full Cycle 3. 120 birthdays.
Yesterday David Fu gave me amazingly different ideas on how to design an organization and on how to get across the ideas that World Peace is actually available through Inclusion. I am hoping that Mike and I can write it up in the next few days. Of course we are about to get into another crunch writing phase to get my autobiography out by May. I am truly hoping that on Monday I can get a Line of Credit on Dad’s GIC. In this way I can work at preparing a real fundraising effort.
When I first started people were hanging onto every entry. I suppose the drama of whether or not I would recover was compelling. Then, of course, I signed off, not imagining that I might want to get going again so soon – three days later. How does one tell the departed to return?
Also when I started these writings it was not my intention to write for readers. I was writing to explore pure expression. It didn’t stay – clearly can’t stay – purely expression without some attention to the response of others. The response occurs in my own voice even when no other person is writing or speaking to me about these posts. Then again, if I truly intended no response why use a blog as a vehicle?
Gradually I have come to want to write about some things and not others. A desire for privacy? Feeling complete? Fatigue? Less urgency as my health returns and the pain diminishes? All are factors in my growing self edits.
We have passed the Epiphany and are now in Ordinary Time, according to the church calendar. Mundane concerns dominate my calendar, my day. Groceries, money, laundry, debts, housekeeping, scheduling, business plans, amusements, the neighbours. A shorter horizon indeed.
At the same time miracles are still happening. I caught myself NOT thinking that I might be dying today. This, for me, is a genuine break with the past – a breakthrough in Landmark language.
The past several days have been jammed packed with real and imagined commitments and appointments. This has led to insufficient eating and fluid intake, and yesterday the inevitable constipation set in even though I took care to drink more. Consequently, I awoke in pain three times last night, and I was also cold, requiring an extra blanket.
I have been learning from and through Jen how to shift the pain experience and so I was able to go back to sleep all three times and even slept to 7:45am – an hour and a half longer than usual. But more than that, today I realized that I wasn’t thinking all last night and this morning that I was getting sick AGAIN, that possibly I was dying. I was just thinking that my management strategies had broken down – too much bread and not enough water – and that I had better get on track or use stronger measures.
And then the flax oil, juice and vegetables of late yesterday and this morning kicked in, and all systems are go again.
Apparently I am off and running for a full Cycle 3. 120 birthdays.
Yesterday David Fu gave me amazingly different ideas on how to design an organization and on how to get across the ideas that World Peace is actually available through Inclusion. I am hoping that Mike and I can write it up in the next few days. Of course we are about to get into another crunch writing phase to get my autobiography out by May. I am truly hoping that on Monday I can get a Line of Credit on Dad’s GIC. In this way I can work at preparing a real fundraising effort.
Tuesday, January 11, 2011
January 11, 2011
Well there are days when the ball just won’t go between the posts! I was running late pretty well all day. Mike and I went to a consignment store this morning and there were some really great things but nothing in quite the right size. I got an email back from someone who had been asking good questions about WPIT but he declined to donate. I called some more people to be guests at the Wisdom Completion Evening this Thursday but just got message machines. Blah blah blah.
Perhaps the truly concerning “failure” was my need to use Morphine two days in a row. Jen did say there would be major shifts, and there have been. I do recognize it as one of those plateaus before a great step forward. Just the same, I am tired and sore, and kind of wishing I hadn’t booked myself such a busy week! But so it goes and I’m just venting, not really worried or complaining.
It is interesting how the quality of the questions and comments about WPIT as an organization and our projects are taking on a very more rich and serious (in a good sense) quality. I was Skyping with a colleague this evening and she completely bought into our need for a $6 million dollar foundation so that we can do our projects without constantly having our hands in somebody else’s pocket. She also was thinking about who, at the university level, might take on the kind of social/economic research that inclusion deserves. In a sense she is a “nobody” in the world of big money and research but life doesn’t work that way. Talking to her tonight makes it easier for me to talk to the Executive Director of ACF tomorrow, and on the other hand I have no idea who she knows or who knows who she knows. The message is travelling out and getting stronger as it goes.
In Wisdom we talk about fail, fail, failing your way to success. It very much feels like that is where I am at this time. It kind of makes it easier in a way because if lots of failure is the way to success then bring it on, bring it on, bring it on!
Of course, I hope that the failures are getting smarter as we go!
I feel like it’s been a very long time since I worked hard. I did not work hard at my jobs in the early and mid 90’s. The international travel was fun. The paid office stuff was excruciatingly boring and useless but not at all hard. The intense schedule and consistent phoning, writing, speaking that I’m doing now is considerably more difficult in the sense of leaving no room for fooling around, but it’s making a lot of sense and building a network and proving that I can be worthy of a team working with me. It is a very different life than Cycle 2.
Oh yes, I painted today. Well I didn’t actually paint. Mike and I spent about an hour preparing to paint. I am about to attempt reproducing a photograph of a scene outside my window – one of the scenes of the industrial and railway view outside my bedroom. It is a picture that I took during the last week that I spent most of my time in bed. It is very inclusive of all the elements that intrigue me about this view – the cranes, the trains and the sandbox quality of the scene.
At one point this morning I thought that I might not be able to paint today and keep up with all the other things I said I would do. I realized, though, that painting is once again going to disappear as a regular activity unless I stick to it in my schedule. Actually it’s amazing how much disappears when I (or anyone else!) doesn’t stick to the schedule. We talk about freedom of choice etc. But I chose all these things that are in my life and I chose them freely so having them disappear because I don’t keep my schedule is just some sort of insanity. I am free. I just have to remember that!
It’s been a long day. Tomorrow may be a big day if the meeting with Atkinson goes as well as it could! Time to pack it in!
Perhaps the truly concerning “failure” was my need to use Morphine two days in a row. Jen did say there would be major shifts, and there have been. I do recognize it as one of those plateaus before a great step forward. Just the same, I am tired and sore, and kind of wishing I hadn’t booked myself such a busy week! But so it goes and I’m just venting, not really worried or complaining.
It is interesting how the quality of the questions and comments about WPIT as an organization and our projects are taking on a very more rich and serious (in a good sense) quality. I was Skyping with a colleague this evening and she completely bought into our need for a $6 million dollar foundation so that we can do our projects without constantly having our hands in somebody else’s pocket. She also was thinking about who, at the university level, might take on the kind of social/economic research that inclusion deserves. In a sense she is a “nobody” in the world of big money and research but life doesn’t work that way. Talking to her tonight makes it easier for me to talk to the Executive Director of ACF tomorrow, and on the other hand I have no idea who she knows or who knows who she knows. The message is travelling out and getting stronger as it goes.
In Wisdom we talk about fail, fail, failing your way to success. It very much feels like that is where I am at this time. It kind of makes it easier in a way because if lots of failure is the way to success then bring it on, bring it on, bring it on!
Of course, I hope that the failures are getting smarter as we go!
I feel like it’s been a very long time since I worked hard. I did not work hard at my jobs in the early and mid 90’s. The international travel was fun. The paid office stuff was excruciatingly boring and useless but not at all hard. The intense schedule and consistent phoning, writing, speaking that I’m doing now is considerably more difficult in the sense of leaving no room for fooling around, but it’s making a lot of sense and building a network and proving that I can be worthy of a team working with me. It is a very different life than Cycle 2.
Oh yes, I painted today. Well I didn’t actually paint. Mike and I spent about an hour preparing to paint. I am about to attempt reproducing a photograph of a scene outside my window – one of the scenes of the industrial and railway view outside my bedroom. It is a picture that I took during the last week that I spent most of my time in bed. It is very inclusive of all the elements that intrigue me about this view – the cranes, the trains and the sandbox quality of the scene.
At one point this morning I thought that I might not be able to paint today and keep up with all the other things I said I would do. I realized, though, that painting is once again going to disappear as a regular activity unless I stick to it in my schedule. Actually it’s amazing how much disappears when I (or anyone else!) doesn’t stick to the schedule. We talk about freedom of choice etc. But I chose all these things that are in my life and I chose them freely so having them disappear because I don’t keep my schedule is just some sort of insanity. I am free. I just have to remember that!
It’s been a long day. Tomorrow may be a big day if the meeting with Atkinson goes as well as it could! Time to pack it in!
Monday, January 10, 2011
January 10, 2011
Last week I required no Morphine for 4 of 7 days. Jen today and last week did strong work on my right upper thigh – the scene of 5 surgeries. It is tough sledding for both of us but clearly a big difference is showing up. At the same time I feel more stoned than if I were on the full dose of Morphine I was using when I first came out of the hospital in mid-October. The treatments, the Vivex elixir, the better quality food I have been eating and, I think, just getting closer to life essentials are together spinning the energies I call “me”.
I have had “Epiphany” a lot on my mind lately, and I suppose this is only natural as this phenomenon is culturally located in early January. I understand the Epiphany to name the experiential intersection of history and eternity, of the ever disappearing Now and the timeless spirit from which all being springs forth. Today Jen was getting at Epiphany from a very different set of metaphors – a mix of Chinese or Eastern understanding of the body, her father’s Mastery of Reiki and her own empathy.
I was bathed in the experience of being sourced from and through a deep, blue well, and, at the same time, understanding as a direction to follow that a person in her physical self has a Yin energy fire that must stay lit for body life to continue. Ordinarily we nourish this fire through breath, food and water, but there are other, more essential, paths to stoking the flame. I have long been fascinated by those who have given up eating or breathing for months or years. Today I got a sense of what that takes, though Jen says it requires enormous focus.
The rest of the day, before and after, has mainly been about the ordinary here and now. I got lots done and there is much I did not do. Mostly I am OK with that since in some sense it is not about doing, but about manifesting, in any case.
Still, as skilled a manifestor as I am, it is not yet clear enough how to tell the difference between magical thinking and having life occur – in Now – through being rather than doing. Today I saw, and I spoke it to others, that when we make a promise we must also create an integrity that will support the fulfillment of that promise. Out of this structure failure can be useful and powerful. However, without a created integrity, our promises have no more power than hope has.
Now I wrote all that in Landmark jargon. You can get how my metaphors and energies are jumbled right now. I am sure they will reorganize in some strong way in short order!
Today I completed my preparations to talk policy change with the Executive Director of Atkinson Charitable Foundation, Olivia Nuamah this Wednesday. It seems to be an important meeting. I feel that my perspective is very different from hers, yet this is likely something she respects and finds creative. Somehow the Inclusion Circle has dissipated and many of Atkinson’s key players have moved on. Atkinson now has a new Chair and ED, and the long term community developer and most recent Economic Fellow both have taken jobs more in the City of Toronto realm.
Perhaps there is space for my efforts and thinking.
I have had “Epiphany” a lot on my mind lately, and I suppose this is only natural as this phenomenon is culturally located in early January. I understand the Epiphany to name the experiential intersection of history and eternity, of the ever disappearing Now and the timeless spirit from which all being springs forth. Today Jen was getting at Epiphany from a very different set of metaphors – a mix of Chinese or Eastern understanding of the body, her father’s Mastery of Reiki and her own empathy.
I was bathed in the experience of being sourced from and through a deep, blue well, and, at the same time, understanding as a direction to follow that a person in her physical self has a Yin energy fire that must stay lit for body life to continue. Ordinarily we nourish this fire through breath, food and water, but there are other, more essential, paths to stoking the flame. I have long been fascinated by those who have given up eating or breathing for months or years. Today I got a sense of what that takes, though Jen says it requires enormous focus.
The rest of the day, before and after, has mainly been about the ordinary here and now. I got lots done and there is much I did not do. Mostly I am OK with that since in some sense it is not about doing, but about manifesting, in any case.
Still, as skilled a manifestor as I am, it is not yet clear enough how to tell the difference between magical thinking and having life occur – in Now – through being rather than doing. Today I saw, and I spoke it to others, that when we make a promise we must also create an integrity that will support the fulfillment of that promise. Out of this structure failure can be useful and powerful. However, without a created integrity, our promises have no more power than hope has.
Now I wrote all that in Landmark jargon. You can get how my metaphors and energies are jumbled right now. I am sure they will reorganize in some strong way in short order!
Today I completed my preparations to talk policy change with the Executive Director of Atkinson Charitable Foundation, Olivia Nuamah this Wednesday. It seems to be an important meeting. I feel that my perspective is very different from hers, yet this is likely something she respects and finds creative. Somehow the Inclusion Circle has dissipated and many of Atkinson’s key players have moved on. Atkinson now has a new Chair and ED, and the long term community developer and most recent Economic Fellow both have taken jobs more in the City of Toronto realm.
Perhaps there is space for my efforts and thinking.
Monday, January 3, 2011
January 3, 2011
There is a little tug-o’-war going on in me these days. The “I don’t wanna’s” are pretty strong – I don’t wanna:
- fundraise
- have a support circle
- cut down on gluten and drink more fluids – not caffeinated ones at that
- invite people to the Completion Evening of Wisdom
- catch up on e-mail
- set up paying gigs for February and March
- get my eyes checked
- etc.
I DO wanna too, and generally I am doing a little better than 50% which is the level I was at for years.
Why the ambivalence? Well, besides not wanting to “stick out” I realized as I was waking up this morning that I have been reluctant to be honest and open about my life-long sense, strong and clear since I was twelve, that I have a personal relationship with God and that God has given me a mission – to create Inclusion, especially so that people who don’t speak can be seen and supported as contributors to society.
But this is a fact for me – one that has shaped all my life. Still I cannot imagine saying in public, or in front of my circle, certainly not frequently and bravely: “Got wants this and I want to do it!”
This reluctance to sound like a religious weirdo constantly gives strength to the “I don’t wanna’s”. It’s better to not stick out, but rather to look like I’m motivated by good thinking and research, to seem like I just want the same things as most people.
But probably I am not fooling anybody anyway. Clearly I DON’T want the same things as most people!
Being at the Terracotta Warriors exhibit last Friday reinforced deeply for me the realization that most people do not know that there is an alternative path to peace besides war. The visible evidence was impactful - that fighting for a stable society and community with abundance and opportunity for all is a way of every culture that goes back multiple millennia. It was also powerfully clear that this way is wasteful, bloody and ineffective.
The other clear message was that history takes no account of the needs, desires or contributions of ordinary people. They live and die hearing that their sole contribution to peace on earth is to support war, up to losing the lives of loved ones and themselves.
I have another way. It takes many ordinary people to build and sustain Inclusion. The good news is that when they do so they also build abundant economy and community, and eliminate the fear and inadequacy that lead to war.
Can I gather enough courage, faith, people and resources to get the message across so that all ordinary people know they have a choice and they know how to implement that choice?
- fundraise
- have a support circle
- cut down on gluten and drink more fluids – not caffeinated ones at that
- invite people to the Completion Evening of Wisdom
- catch up on e-mail
- set up paying gigs for February and March
- get my eyes checked
- etc.
I DO wanna too, and generally I am doing a little better than 50% which is the level I was at for years.
Why the ambivalence? Well, besides not wanting to “stick out” I realized as I was waking up this morning that I have been reluctant to be honest and open about my life-long sense, strong and clear since I was twelve, that I have a personal relationship with God and that God has given me a mission – to create Inclusion, especially so that people who don’t speak can be seen and supported as contributors to society.
But this is a fact for me – one that has shaped all my life. Still I cannot imagine saying in public, or in front of my circle, certainly not frequently and bravely: “Got wants this and I want to do it!”
This reluctance to sound like a religious weirdo constantly gives strength to the “I don’t wanna’s”. It’s better to not stick out, but rather to look like I’m motivated by good thinking and research, to seem like I just want the same things as most people.
But probably I am not fooling anybody anyway. Clearly I DON’T want the same things as most people!
Being at the Terracotta Warriors exhibit last Friday reinforced deeply for me the realization that most people do not know that there is an alternative path to peace besides war. The visible evidence was impactful - that fighting for a stable society and community with abundance and opportunity for all is a way of every culture that goes back multiple millennia. It was also powerfully clear that this way is wasteful, bloody and ineffective.
The other clear message was that history takes no account of the needs, desires or contributions of ordinary people. They live and die hearing that their sole contribution to peace on earth is to support war, up to losing the lives of loved ones and themselves.
I have another way. It takes many ordinary people to build and sustain Inclusion. The good news is that when they do so they also build abundant economy and community, and eliminate the fear and inadequacy that lead to war.
Can I gather enough courage, faith, people and resources to get the message across so that all ordinary people know they have a choice and they know how to implement that choice?
Sunday, December 26, 2010
December 26, 2010
There are moments when the need for greater integrity asserts itself. I have noticed that culturally it’s something we often think about at year’s end. The need has been calling to me, and those near to me, urgently for some time, but especially since Wednesday or so.
In Landmark Education lingo integrity is about workability, not morality. We speak about “unworkability” coming from missing integrity – some element of a physical structure, a network of communication or a plan that – by not having been put in place, or in being forgotten or ignored – weakens the project or relationship and makes room for ineffectiveness and drama.
For powerful people integrity is nearly always “out” because, paradoxically, success creates change in the world which brings a need for new projects, which need different integrity, and so some element is always going to be not yet in place. Powerful people must be continuously looking for what’s missing. “Missings” will be in the area of context, complete work, honest and open communication, and meeting other’s and your own expectations.
Yesterday I wrote about the missing integrity that was coming up for me around the celebration of Christmas. It came up similarly today in that the friends I was with have had to leave where they were living for the second year in a row at Christmas time. We met to “celebrate” in a back kitchen of a church. They are safe, warm and fed, but without the sort of stability that permits moving forward in meeting goals. The disorientation and anxiety were palpable.
In other areas, money is needed to build up WPIT projects and its organization, and to stabilize my staffing and home. The integrity of living on ODSP is very different from the structures, commitments and communication – not to mention day-to-day action – that will bring in our ideal $6 million to give WPIT and me a solid foundation. While between these “ways of life” I need to live poor and think and act rich – another sort of integrity to create as I move toward having money.
Mike and I were talking about the integrity of being lazy. I find that if I never plan for time off or don’t stick to my plan, subtly the sense that I am a martyr to the cause of Inclusion creeps in and I become tired, scattered and ineffective. However, not just any sort of laziness truly satisfies – leaving me with the willingness to keep my commitments. Mike and I were talking about what sorts of time off and undone activities truly satisfy that “time-off” urge.
Then there are the books. Tonight we began the rough sorting of my writings into two types – autobiography and theory. It’s the beginning of creating the integrity of the two books – integrities that we want to put into place rapidly, and while lots of other things are going on at the same time. What will become available is that at least one book can be sold with the ROM exhibit this summer creating the context for people’s interest in it. This can generate income that I need for me, staffing and WPIT.
It’s not quite like making a New Year’s resolution. And it is also like it. It’s all about reinvention. This blog is part of the expression of this reinvention. The “third cycle” model is also integral to remodelling of Judith Snow and her interesting life.
I learned last week that keeping my resolutions – recreating integrity – demands that I treat my unwillingness like a seven year old who is learning new behaviours and skills. Beating myself up makes no sense and doesn’t work all that well in any case. So I made myself a behaviour modification chart and I will put a happy face sticker on every part of the chart where I keep my promise to myself to fundraise.
Tomorrow I begin again.
In Landmark Education lingo integrity is about workability, not morality. We speak about “unworkability” coming from missing integrity – some element of a physical structure, a network of communication or a plan that – by not having been put in place, or in being forgotten or ignored – weakens the project or relationship and makes room for ineffectiveness and drama.
For powerful people integrity is nearly always “out” because, paradoxically, success creates change in the world which brings a need for new projects, which need different integrity, and so some element is always going to be not yet in place. Powerful people must be continuously looking for what’s missing. “Missings” will be in the area of context, complete work, honest and open communication, and meeting other’s and your own expectations.
Yesterday I wrote about the missing integrity that was coming up for me around the celebration of Christmas. It came up similarly today in that the friends I was with have had to leave where they were living for the second year in a row at Christmas time. We met to “celebrate” in a back kitchen of a church. They are safe, warm and fed, but without the sort of stability that permits moving forward in meeting goals. The disorientation and anxiety were palpable.
In other areas, money is needed to build up WPIT projects and its organization, and to stabilize my staffing and home. The integrity of living on ODSP is very different from the structures, commitments and communication – not to mention day-to-day action – that will bring in our ideal $6 million to give WPIT and me a solid foundation. While between these “ways of life” I need to live poor and think and act rich – another sort of integrity to create as I move toward having money.
Mike and I were talking about the integrity of being lazy. I find that if I never plan for time off or don’t stick to my plan, subtly the sense that I am a martyr to the cause of Inclusion creeps in and I become tired, scattered and ineffective. However, not just any sort of laziness truly satisfies – leaving me with the willingness to keep my commitments. Mike and I were talking about what sorts of time off and undone activities truly satisfy that “time-off” urge.
Then there are the books. Tonight we began the rough sorting of my writings into two types – autobiography and theory. It’s the beginning of creating the integrity of the two books – integrities that we want to put into place rapidly, and while lots of other things are going on at the same time. What will become available is that at least one book can be sold with the ROM exhibit this summer creating the context for people’s interest in it. This can generate income that I need for me, staffing and WPIT.
It’s not quite like making a New Year’s resolution. And it is also like it. It’s all about reinvention. This blog is part of the expression of this reinvention. The “third cycle” model is also integral to remodelling of Judith Snow and her interesting life.
I learned last week that keeping my resolutions – recreating integrity – demands that I treat my unwillingness like a seven year old who is learning new behaviours and skills. Beating myself up makes no sense and doesn’t work all that well in any case. So I made myself a behaviour modification chart and I will put a happy face sticker on every part of the chart where I keep my promise to myself to fundraise.
Tomorrow I begin again.
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