There are moments when the need for greater integrity asserts itself. I have noticed that culturally it’s something we often think about at year’s end. The need has been calling to me, and those near to me, urgently for some time, but especially since Wednesday or so.
In Landmark Education lingo integrity is about workability, not morality. We speak about “unworkability” coming from missing integrity – some element of a physical structure, a network of communication or a plan that – by not having been put in place, or in being forgotten or ignored – weakens the project or relationship and makes room for ineffectiveness and drama.
For powerful people integrity is nearly always “out” because, paradoxically, success creates change in the world which brings a need for new projects, which need different integrity, and so some element is always going to be not yet in place. Powerful people must be continuously looking for what’s missing. “Missings” will be in the area of context, complete work, honest and open communication, and meeting other’s and your own expectations.
Yesterday I wrote about the missing integrity that was coming up for me around the celebration of Christmas. It came up similarly today in that the friends I was with have had to leave where they were living for the second year in a row at Christmas time. We met to “celebrate” in a back kitchen of a church. They are safe, warm and fed, but without the sort of stability that permits moving forward in meeting goals. The disorientation and anxiety were palpable.
In other areas, money is needed to build up WPIT projects and its organization, and to stabilize my staffing and home. The integrity of living on ODSP is very different from the structures, commitments and communication – not to mention day-to-day action – that will bring in our ideal $6 million to give WPIT and me a solid foundation. While between these “ways of life” I need to live poor and think and act rich – another sort of integrity to create as I move toward having money.
Mike and I were talking about the integrity of being lazy. I find that if I never plan for time off or don’t stick to my plan, subtly the sense that I am a martyr to the cause of Inclusion creeps in and I become tired, scattered and ineffective. However, not just any sort of laziness truly satisfies – leaving me with the willingness to keep my commitments. Mike and I were talking about what sorts of time off and undone activities truly satisfy that “time-off” urge.
Then there are the books. Tonight we began the rough sorting of my writings into two types – autobiography and theory. It’s the beginning of creating the integrity of the two books – integrities that we want to put into place rapidly, and while lots of other things are going on at the same time. What will become available is that at least one book can be sold with the ROM exhibit this summer creating the context for people’s interest in it. This can generate income that I need for me, staffing and WPIT.
It’s not quite like making a New Year’s resolution. And it is also like it. It’s all about reinvention. This blog is part of the expression of this reinvention. The “third cycle” model is also integral to remodelling of Judith Snow and her interesting life.
I learned last week that keeping my resolutions – recreating integrity – demands that I treat my unwillingness like a seven year old who is learning new behaviours and skills. Beating myself up makes no sense and doesn’t work all that well in any case. So I made myself a behaviour modification chart and I will put a happy face sticker on every part of the chart where I keep my promise to myself to fundraise.
Tomorrow I begin again.
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