Well, I’m signing on again. It took two days to assemble 475 pages of stuff I have been writing since 1992 or so. Andrew K. printed off the pile; Mike Skubic is doing a quick read through to make a rough division between autobiographic material and theory. Then my real work starts – to pull it together and to write the necessary bridges to get two books ready for a serious edit.
Anyway, even with reinstating Farmville – under an alter ego, Alex Rooke - I have time and I missed writing, so I’m back!
Obviously, today is Christmas Day. Lots of eating! Lots of driving! Lots of Christmas songs and one Chanukah tune on the radio that either I have never heard before or were in “covers” I am unfamiliar with. Lots of stuff I don’t like but mixed in with all a string of moments and events that are whimsical, nostalgic, magical or just plain funny. It adds up to another memorable Christmas.
The good stuff:
- My brother Jim pulled off on short notice a truly family Christmas brunch, with Dad, Rosemary and Armand present, and Ian and Maude (still a little hung over from Ian’s 65th birthday celebration two nights ago!) Skyping in from Yuma, Arizona.
- A kiss and a beautiful red candle from Cristos.
- Being at Camphill Nottawasaga for Christmas dinner – a true feast.
- The setting sunlight on the forest trees.
- Getting the coffee stains out of my bra and shirt AND having a second red shirt to change into between feasts!
- Getting a new recipe for cranberry sauce.
- Having ten people LOVE the apple pie I brought.
I began to think that maybe next year I could pull off a Christmas that I would fully feel was “right” for me. Of course, as soon as the thought crossed my mind I began to back away from it. The mere effort to “make” something “right” can cause me so much stress that it can never be right. Just the same, besides the plain reality that Mom is no longer with us to set the pace and declare what the standards are, there are other missing factors that perhaps I could take on having in place.
I realize that I have not put my oar into the water Christmas-wise for some time. Last year I was too freaked out from Camphill having ejected me and the unanticipated return to Toronto. The year before that I was in Tybee. For four or five years before that I put all my energies into being on the Landmark Education Wisdom Year End Cruise. I am definitely out of the habit of designing my own piece of this December celebration.
Yet, it clearly is important to me. The day is no longer a religious essential within my spiritual framework, but it holds a sense of mystery just the same – the songs that say we can end war if we want to, the concept of the most vulnerable turning the world on its ear, the call to generousity, hospitality and abundance speak to me deeply.
So what would I put into my Christmas.
- a real tree, one that gives its life, and has scent and requires tending and cleaning up afterward
- a gathering to decorate the tree, and elegant ornaments to do it with
- an accessible celebration and feast on Christmas Day, where I am with parts of my family that never think of inviting me, and where I don’t worry all day about where and when I will get to the bathroom
- a personal assistant for the day that I want to spend the day with
- a feast that is generous, sumptuous and diabetic friendly
- some old fashioned, well performed, Christmas music
- some fun stuff like a Secret Santa present exchange
- a guest or two who would welcome an opportunity for a “real” Christmas
I guess I better get cracking making my Christmas 2011 happen!
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