It was a good Laser Eagles day today. Of course, just about every Laser Eagles day is a good day. I enjoy being with the other artists. I enjoy working with a tracker – today my tracker was Mike Skubic. I enjoy the process of painting even when I don’t like the result that much. I don’t really like my last two paintings, but I’m not sure that I’m finished with either one of them anyways.
I thought I would start painting anger today. It ended up being a whole lot more yellow than I thought it would be, and a very bright yellow indeed. Paintings have a way of doing that – I mean turning out very differently than I thought they would be in the beginning. I have never really painted with yellow before, so maybe that is an angry colour for me. Just the same, it’s not what I thought anger would look like.
The other reason that it has been a good Laser Eagles day is that we had an organizational meeting and I was pleasantly surprised, perhaps even a little overwhelmed, at how it went. For one thing, I am learning to keep my mouth shut around Kimberly Fu who has an amazing capacity to say things quite differently than I would say them and yet end up with a similar or better result than I could have. In the last few weeks, the CAVE Board, particularly Paul and Bill, have gone from being kind of distracted and even a little resigned about the future of Laser Eagles to being very solid around the possibility of building and expanding. Paul in particular expressed a solid vision for having Laser Eagles be an organization that can sustain itself and be true to its mission. It was very easy to have him see that Kimberly should be the person who will stickhandle the next few months of shifting the organizational foundation.
I see where I have let some important aspects slip. In particular, it is much clearer now why it is important for the artists to sometimes use a way of showing to others that they are directing their trackers. Our familiarity with our trackers and, I believe, a certain laziness has caused us all to use methods of painting where it is easy to imagine that the tracker is choosing how the painting will go. Paul made it clear that others cannot actually see how the artists are making their paintings, and this is detrimental to the potential for fundraising.
Beyond that, the artists have never risen to the challenge of raising money or selling their art and giving the money to the program. I have sold a good number of paintings over the years, but have considered my volunteer efforts to be compensation for the supplies I use. Other artists have stacks of paintings sitting around in their bedrooms or have given some away as gifts. A few have sold paintings but kept all of the money. I don’t begrudge them the money but it is clear that they have not developed a sense of what it takes to sustain a consistent support system for themselves.
We have a real opportunity to show that we are capable of contributing to the organizational aspects of the world. I hope that we are able to actually grasp this opportunity at this time. It would be a big shift in the culture that we call inclusion.
Today I also had an insight into how I keep chaos happening in my financial life. At some point in the meeting I offered to do radio shows to promote Laser Eagles during the Christmas season. One of the CAVE Board members owns a radio station. Paul turned my offer down.
He pointed out that, without the organizational foundation in place, promoting Laser Eagles was detrimental to its long term stability. This is simply because anyone who might want to donate or get involved would not see accountability at this point but would see only our appearance of instability and – I guess what you would call “flying by the seat of our pants”.
How many times in my life have I gotten publicly enthusiastic about a possibility or a project and had nothing concrete to back up my enthusiasm! It is one thing for me to be a blue hat visionary. But visionaries cannot get very far on their own. And so, I have pushed away the very resources that my own life and my creations depend on.
Well, a new part of my history has begun. Cycle 3 has a genuine potential of being a time when I and others realize our wonderful ideas!
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