Moods can be annoying!
Of course with yesterday’s great news there are complications. What will this do to my ODSP income, if anything? How does this affect the people who are expecting me to be more available to WPIT? Already I have had an offer to purchase four paintings from a speculator. Another person wanted me to share the news NOW with a group I haven’t gotten to yet.
None of this changes anything substantial. It just leaves that mood – that unwelcome sense of a “bad moon rising” – that sense of distraction that comes with having multiple agendas to untangle. What of all this is me – my expression?
Perhaps that is the point anyway. What is my expression in the face of being recognized? It’s one thing to be “out” trying to get “in”. It’s quite another, I suppose, to have come home to find that home is no more interested in Inclusion than anywhere else was.
Not that I thought it was – I just got disoriented for a moment! Whoops - sorry.
Inclusion hasn’t happened in the world yet, except for those momentary, seductive occasions that give one both a sense of what’s possible and the necessity to not hope unrealistically. There is still much work to do. The question is what is the good work to do now?
I love the heady beginnings of fun things. The video game project, the ROM. I’m not so fond of the negotiation part – sorting out mine and other’s agendas, often in a competitive stance.
There is nothing wrong with either the competition nor the fact that I don’t like it. In fact this is precisely where I get to show that Inclusion can actually happen. If we/I can come to grips with all the needs and diversities and have it work out with no one left out then the world really will have something to pay attention to!
So can I like it, or at least cease to resist it? Can I be the perfect matador and simply not be there for the moment the bull passes through the cape?
It’s not a challenge I had anticipated but neither is one I am unfamiliar with. This is just taking a Rubik’s cube life to another level.
I wonder when and what I will paint next. My familiar tracker quit this week, and although Mike is a good tracker, if he tracks for me on the days he works as a personal assistant it limits his break time. It seems ironic indeed that at the moment when the world will want to see me paint, I am almost as unprepared to do so as in the beginning in 2004.
So perhaps the genuine question for me to address now, in the few months before the exhibit happens, is who will paint with me in this upcoming year of public scrutiny?
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