November 6, 2010

Last night it occurred to me that I have an extraordinary degree of permission. It was such a powerful thought that I started writing this before the clock turned midnight!

There are a few ways this is true for me. The fact that I am writing these pieces, that others are asking for them and reading them, is one way. Mostly I lie on my bed and a friend and/or personal assistant types for me and reviews with me the result, then posts it. (This afternoon I am up in my chair and typing for myself with the Morse Code puff/sip interface.) There are layers of permission and facilitation that go into my words being published and received.

Obvious to anyone familiar with the disability labelling process is that the dual truths of the amount of effective medical support I have received and the reality that I live in a beautiful home of my choosing are elements of permission rarely achieved in our culture by someone of my circumstances and NEVER achieved in many parts of the world still. I do not mean to imply that this is solely a “disability” issue. Last night I saw pictures of a Nigerian village where the ground everywhere is soaked in unrefined oil spilled “accidently” by Shell operations. Permission to live, thrive, learn, contemplate and express is granted to few indeed in such a situation.

Beyond this is the level of open space that I have been writing about as a key aspect of my burgeoning Cycle 3. Suffice it to say again that I have a personal sense of having completed my “task” in life, without having my return ticket called in. I have permission to do something unique and unnecessary with my time and capacities, including permission to do nothing at all – (unlikely!)

Yet a fourth level is that I am experiencing a flow of abundance toward me that gives me a certain degree of freedom from want and necessity. Some of this is due to the simple good fortune of being a citizen of Ontario, Canada. This gives me access to bounty that often seems precarious, like a borrowed garden hose with too many holes and kinks. Nevertheless I have access to many participation supports, from a food bank to a top quality water system, to a medium quality transportation system, etc. Amazing resources!

On top of this – and most importantly! – is the heart warming level of generousity expressed towards me by my friends, family, personal assistants, and even friends of friends of friends, etc. Food, medicine, healing energy, entertainment, equipment, money, labour, information, flowers, encouragement, light heartedness, concern – this and more continue to be made available to me so that my path will not become too steep for me to take.

Yet I remain free to design that very path. No strings!

I imagine that there are four social mirrors within which this extraordinary level of permission exists. First, people experience me as being trustworthy. Largely I have done well enough in making good use of the resources and supports I have had in Cycles 1 and 2.

Secondly, there is hope. I have been creative in the past. I have (not alone, of course) both found my way around some big obstacles and I have also created new pathways more than once – personal assistance, support circles, Gifted capacity, peace through Inclusion. Around me people have come to expect that some answers may become available.

Thirdly, there is the anti-boredom factor. I am colourful, quirky, stubborn, eccentric. In a world where “sameness” is mandated everywhere I am at the VERY least a relatively non-threatening distraction as I go about my business in peculiar ways. Cool!

Lastly there is a dimension of the epiphany in my life – the point of intersection between the “here and now” everyday world and the infinite and eternal, non-historical, source of life itself. Somehow people quickly acknowledge that I have been blessed with a deep connection that apparently others have less access to. This gives me a certain confidence and direction that takes me to a different level with many people.

I feel a rich sense that this extraordinary level of permission is for a purpose. I get that this permission INCLUDES that I have a large say in what that purpose will be and is now. Still I am searching for another, perhaps clearer or stronger clue. What can Cycle 3 be about that is worthy of the great privileges that are mine?